As humans, we want to be accepted and to feel like we belong. And when this doesn’t happen, we may be left wondering why people just don’t seem to like us.
Let’s face it, not everyone is going to like you. But if you start to notice that most people don’t seem to be accepting of you, there could be something that you are doing or something in your demeanor that is pushing them away. I am not saying that there is something wrong with you, or that you aren’t a good person. It’s easy to get out of a social groove, especially with our recent lockdowns and social distancing.
If you are feeling a bit out of the groove and are having a hard time blending back into the social scene, check out these reasons why people may not seem to like you, so you can address them.
To better improve social skills and understand what may be turning people off, “The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over” by Jack Schafer and Marvin Karlins is an excellent choice. This book offers practical insights into how to become more likable and positively influence others in social settings.
9 Reasons Why People Don’t Like You:
1. You talk way too much.
It’s great to be conversational- but dominating the conversation can become a turn-off in social situations. Other people want to express their feelings, stories, and insights, and if you take over, they will perceive you as selfish and self-centered. Make sure to allow balance in the conversation and listen as much (if not more) than you talk.
2. You are a complainer.
No one wants to be around someone that constantly finds the negative in every given situation. People like to be around those who bring light to their day – not doom and gloom. If you are a constant complainer, try to stay aware of your thoughts and words, so you can shift your mindset in a more positive direction.
How to Win Friends and Influence People – click here.
3. You talk badly about others.
When you are constantly talking badly about other people to your friend group or in social situations, they will likely start to wonder what you are saying about them. Not only that, but gossip makes you look bad- and it travels quickly. One piece of gossip could make it back around, and you will end up being confronted about your ways. It’s honestly best to avoid this all together.
For those who want to transform their communication style and build stronger relationships, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie is a timeless resource. It provides valuable tips on how to communicate more effectively, be more empathetic, and make a positive impression on others.
4. You interrupt others.
When we interrupt others, we are letting them know that what they have to say is not important to us. People want to be heard, not talked over. So if you are struggling with getting people to like you, but catch yourself interrupting them, you may need to work on that.
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion – click here.
5. You’re a know it all.
No person on the face of planet Earth knows everything. And if you think you do – you have a problem. The reality is, that most people probably don’t realize they come off as a know it all. But if you think you are always right, even about things you should have no opinion on, it’s time to check yourself. Belief superiority pushes people away.
6. You’re a showoff.
Most people will respect you more if you are humble than if you are a show off. Bragging constantly about having expensive things, about how smart you are and all of your accomplishments constantly can make people get the wrong idea of you. Instead, try to be more humble.
In addressing the issue of persuasion and how to avoid coming across as overbearing, “Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion” by Robert B. Cialdini is a must-read. This book delves into the principles of influence, helping readers understand how to interact with others without being perceived as a ‘know-it-all’ or overly dominant.
7. You’re judgmental.
Having high expectations for yourself can end up leaking into your encounters with others when you start to hold others to the same standards as you hold yourself. No one is perfect, and we are all in different places in life. It’s easy to criticize others because you aren’t living their life. And while constructive criticism can be helpful, it shouldn’t be given unless someone asks you for it. Furthermore, if you never give praise or encouragement, you can come off as hypercritical and that isn’t a good look on anyone.
Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People – click here.
8. You are a control freak.
Friendship, just like relationships requires you to compromise. At times, your friends will get their way and other times, you will get yours. And then there will be times in which you can find common ground. But, if you are constantly trying to control and micro-manage others, your friends may become frustrated with you.
To help readers become more engaging and captivating in social situations, “Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People” by Vanessa Van Edwards is a great guide. It offers science-based insights into human behavior and practical advice on how to connect with others more effectively.
9. You play the blame game.
Everyone else is to blame for your problems but you. No one ever meets your expectations and nothing is ever your fault. If this sounds like you, it may be time to shift how you approach situations. While things may not always turn out right- pushing the blame on others without taking any responsibility will not make you any friends. Instead, try taking responsibility. Taking responsibility when things go wrong allows us to do better next time and it also allows you to be happy and not come off as having a victim complex.