Insecurity is a completely normal emotion that happens when we are hit in a vulnerable place. While the following is what causes insecurity in women, it could apply to others as well.
Feeling insecure is never a good feeling. Nobody likes to feel inadequate, but we all feel that way sometimes. Even the most beautiful and desired women in the world feel insecure at times. Sometimes, insecurities can be caused by others, but in many cases, our insecurities are rooted in an internal place. Of course, insecurities can be caused by several factors, which I will go over below.
9 things that cause insecurity in women.
1. Comparing themselves to other women.
It has become so easy for us to have access to millions of other women, through social media and the internet. Think about it: upon logging into Instagram, you are immediately bombarded with millions of accounts of women looking completely perfect. Within moments, you are pushed to wonder, “Why don’t I look like that?” At the end of the day, it’s best to remember that you are only comparing yourself to what they are allowing you to see, which is oftentimes their highlight reel. Every one of us is beautiful in our way.
2. Trying to reach beauty standards.
Our world has reached a point in which it is impossible to keep up with the ever-changing beauty standard. In reality-no one looks like that in their natural state. And if your goal is to be the standard-you will spend much of your life constantly chasing after something that never stops changing.
For a deep dive into the history and psychology of beauty standards, consider reading “Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women“.
3. The desire to be perfect.
Perfectionism is a dangerous thing, at least for your self-esteem. At the end of the day, it is impossible to be perfect. Perfection is an illusion. Oftentimes, our expectations set us up for failure, because if you are aiming for perfection you will always fall short.
If you want to challenge these norms and embrace self-acceptance, “The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty Are Used Against Women“ is a groundbreaking read.
4. A lack of self-love.
It may sound cliché, but self-love is important. When you don’t know yourself and love yourself-you will always feel insecure about yourself. It might not be the easiest thing in the world, but if you truly make an effort to love yourself despite your, you will be happier for it.
5. Not feeling smart enough.
Looks are not the only source of insecurity. Intelligence can also set a bar that leaves you feeling insecure. When you think about it, there will always be someone who knows more than you-at least in one area. While it’s normal to feel insecure- if you are aware of your insecurities, it can help you to face them head-on.
6. A lack of trust in her partner.
When you are in a relationship with someone that you don’t trust, it can make you feel very insecure. Sometimes, this lack of trust can be caused by something that happened in your past, but it can also be caused by the behavior of your partner. Once you figure out which of those that it is- you can decide the best course of action.
“The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity” sheds light on trust issues and modern relationships.
7. Difficult past experiences.
If you grew up with a parent that cheated on your other parent, you may feel like that is just the way the world is. Or maybe you had an ex who cheated on you. This can make it hard to feel secure with your partner in the present and is a big reason why it’s important to make healing a priority.
8. Overly critical parents.
When you grow up under constant scrutiny- it can harm your self-esteem. Our parent’s impact who we are in so many ways. For example, if your father called you chubby or ugly growing up, it’s likely you internalized that and believed it. In turn, this can cause you to struggle with your self-image.
For those dealing with the aftermath of critical parenting, “Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents“ can be a valuable resource.
9. A difficult setback.
When setbacks happen, they can throw everything off. Even if you felt so sure of yourself before, a slight setback can make you feel completely insecure. However, setbacks are inevitable- and sometimes, adjusting your perspective can help immensely.
To tackle perfectionism and its impact, “The Gifts of Imperfection“ by Brené Brown offers insights into embracing your authentic self.