Women who have been through emotional injustice and managed to get out of their relationship with a narcissist are much stronger women than most people realize. They have been through something that many would not be able to come out of standing as tall as they are.
Narcissists are some of the most damaging people you will find in this world, and they do their best to control and break down the people they hold the closest. Narcissists tear down their lovers through things like verbal lashings, manipulation, emotional blackmail, gaslighting and so much more. They try their hardest to turn the person who loves them the most into a shell of what she once was and use their kindness against them.
Women who have been used by narcissists of any kind have to really learn to overcome the problems and damage that comes with moving forward. They have to find themselves and really uncover a sense of normal as best they can. Below I am going to go over some of the things that if you have been with a narcissist before you know all too well. While healing is never as easy as we want it to be, in cases like this it is far more empowering than most are aware.
Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People by Jackson MacKenzie – Dive deep into the world of emotional abuse and learn effective strategies for recovery.
24 Things Women Who Have Been Used By A Narcissist Know All Too Well:
1. You struggle with understanding whether the decisions you make are right or not.
Trying to accept the fact that moving on was the right decision for you is not going to be easy. The more time you spend dwelling on it, the deeper it will sink in. Sure, it feels hard, but once all is said and done you will realize how much easier it actually was than you thought.
2. Reality doesn’t feel quite as real as it should.
Reality itself becomes quite different when you see just how many lies the person you were with was telling you. As you uncover the truth, you will question a lot. Things will feel quite out of place, and with good reason.
Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse by Shannon Thomas – A guide that walks you through the intricate stages of healing from covert abuse.
3. You cannot overcome this alone.
You have to lean on your support system. If you do not have someone to go to when times are hard, you will fall victim to the same kind of person again. While it might not seem like much, the people who care for you are going to be there for you in more ways than you could imagine.
4. You struggle with self-sabotage.
Once you’re out of the situation, you have to learn how to build your confidence back up. You have to get out there and do things you otherwise wouldn’t. Self-sabotage is going to follow you for a little while, but once you’re where you need to be, you can and will overcome it.
5. You constantly doubt yourself.
Narcissists want us to doubt ourselves. They want us to forget how strong we are. The deeper they can dig this hole, the harder it will be for us to get out of. The doubt you have is not warranted, and you have got to realize that.
6. Healing takes time, a lot of time.
Realizing just how long it takes to heal can be quite unsettling, but it is something you need to face. You don’t just wake up one morning and feel fine, it takes time. There is no quick fix for this kind of abuse.
The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse by Debbie Mirza – A deep dive into the covert type of narcissism, helping victims recognize, understand, and heal.
7. You find yourself chasing after toxic people.
Sadly, when we move on from one narcissist, we tend to find ourselves much closer to another than we want to be. Toxic people flock to those who are trying to heal and you need to be able to spot them. Chances are you will find yourself chasing after a few before realizing the truth.
8. You have to work through your people-pleasing ways.
People pleasing, and narcissistic injustice go hand in hand. Because you are always looking to make others happy, you are putting yourself at risk. This is something you need to be aware of so that you will not fall victim to another person with the same intentions.
9. Your self-worth has to be built back up.
Narcissists love to break down our self-worth. They do this because it helps them gain more control. Once you’re out of the relationship, getting that self-worth back takes much longer than you might want it to.
10. Trusting others is not easy.
Because of what you’ve been through, giving trust is not something you’re good at. People have to work really hard to earn your trust, and even then you might not be willing to give it to them. You really keep your guard up.
11. Fear doesn’t just go away.
While a lot of people think that once the narcissist is gone, everything is fine, they are quite wrong. The fear you hold will not just go away. That nervousness will always be with you in the back of your mind.
Narcissists remove any and all sense of boundaries we have. They break down our walls and force us to let them in, whether we want to or not. This is not an easy thing to move forward after. You have to work on building those walls back up properly and learn how to protect yourself without closing yourself off from the world around you.
Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself by Shahida Arabi – Empower yourself and reclaim your life after enduring narcissistic abuse.
13. Being vulnerable isn’t always a bad thing.
You realize once you’ve made your way out of this kind of relationship that being vulnerable is not always a bad thing. You realize that your vulnerabilities are what allowed you to escape, and that they will remain with you for a good amount of time to come. Sure, they can be inconvenient, but you can work through them.
14. You take on the blame for things you have no control over.
If you’ve ever been with a narcissist, you know how blaming they can be. They will act as if everything is your fault, and long after they’ve gone you will still feel this way. You have to learn to not blame yourself for things you have no control over.
15. You lose all sense of self.
Narcissistic injustice is quite damaging and can leave you without a sense of self. Finding yourself and really getting back to what you feel is normal will not be easy. You will never be the person you were before this kind of abuse again.
16. You have to learn how to put yourself first.
Overcoming this kind of thing allows you to realize just how important you are. You begin taking steps to put yourself first. You make sure that before anything else happens, you are taken care of in the ways you need to be.
17. You begin seeing the pain in others more.
When you’ve gone through something like narcissistic injustice, you begin seeing the signs in the lives of others. You notice the pain that others did not see in your more and more often. Everything becomes quite clear.
18. You struggle to put your emotions into words.
Because of what you’ve been through, your reality is not as it should be, and your emotions are a bit displaced. Finding the words to explain how you’re feeling will not be as simple as you want it to be. You will have to really think this one through.
19. You spend a lot of time on edge.
As the days pass following the end of something so damaging, you will be on edge. You can’t just settle into something so foreign overnight. You have to allow yourself time to really wind down.
20. You learn how to be a bit more selfish.
When you finally move on from someone who was abusing you, you learn to take care of yourself. You start being more selfish and really allow your own needs to be met. Finally, you take responsibility in the ways you should have long ago.
21. You do not feel open to love.
As time passes you will begin to open up more, but right now you will feel pretty closed off. Love is not something you’re interested in anymore. You’ve already had what you thought was love and it ruined you.
22. You compare yourself to others far too often.
As someone who has gone through injustice on this scale, comparing yourself to others is not avoidable. You will compare yourself to many people, and may even find that you are quite jealous of some. Remembering that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side will help.
23. You seek approval from others in ways you shouldn’t.
When you’ve been through narcissistic injustice, you have to overcome the attention seeking ways that have been forced on you. You must really work to accept yourself and not feel as driven by the thoughts and actions of others. It will take time.
24. You work hard to maintain normalcy.
Once you’ve been through something like this, any sense of normal you had becomes very past tense. You struggle to really fit in and maintain but as time passes all of that will change. You have to really work hard at this one.
Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship by Adelyn Birch – A practical guide to build, assert, and maintain boundaries after experiencing a toxic relationship.