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While we all may blame our current situations on fate, the devil, our ex, or really anyone but ourselves, let’s face it: we have a lot more control over our lives and our relationships than we’d like to admit. No, our relationship issues aren’t always within our control, but when you find yourself in the same situations time and time again, it may be time to reevaluate.

single The following isn’t intended to change anything in your love life or about you in general; however, it is a list of the most common reasons people are perpetually single. If you enjoy being single, then you may not get anything from this list. But, if you are trying to look within, and reassess yourself and the way you do things because you are trying to change, then keep reading. While they may be hurtful (as the truth often is,) once you understand them, you can actively work to evolve and move past them.

1. You are too self-involved right now.

And this isn’t always a bad thing, because it takes time and works to become better people. However, if you are always self-involved to the point of being selfish, then you will never find love. When we are in relationships, it takes compromise and sacrifice, and that simply isn’t something selfish people are good at doing.

For those looking to balance self-care with healthy relationships, The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself” by Shannon Kaiser is a great resource.

2. You aren’t actively trying to find someone.

Sometimes, life throws people in our direction, but that isn’t always the case. You must be open to love for it to come into your life.

3. You have no confidence.

Oftentimes, how we regard ourselves becomes what other people see when they look at you. Not only that, but when we focus on the worst part of ourselves, it starts to become the reality of our situation. You are what you believe, and if you don’t believe in yourself, why would anyone else?

The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know” by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman offers valuable insights into building self-confidence.

4. You are too judgmental.

Everyone has flaws, and no one is perfect. Relationships require that we accept another person enough to allow them to be who they are, as long as they aren’t inherently toxic to us. While it’s easy to judge your partner, you shouldn’t, because everyone has traits that make them less and desirable – including ourselves.

5. You think way too highly of yourself.

If you think you are better than everyone, how is it that you expect you will ever be happy with someone else? None of us are so high on a pedestal that the entire world bows beneath them, and those that think they rarely find happiness in a relationship.

6. You are hung up on your ex.

Even when we don’t actively understand it, we may subconsciously be hung up on our ex. If you still look at old photos, stalk their Facebook page, ask their friends about them, or constantly talk about them – you aren’t ready to move on.

7. You are too controlling.

You cannot expect to tell someone every move to make, so much so that the other person loses sight of themselves, and keep that person around. Eventually, they will grow tired and move on. No one wants to be told who and how they can exist.

For those looking to break free from past relationships and focus on self-growth, Getting Past Your Breakup: How to Turn a Devastating Loss into the Best Thing That Ever Happened to You” by Susan J. Elliott provides practical advice and strategies.