While a lot of moms care for their children and meet all of their needs, some of them do not. Sometimes mothers, for many different reasons, neglect the emotional needs of their offspring and that has lasting effects on them.
If you’re looking for resources to help understand or navigate the challenges posed by a less-than-nurturing upbringing, “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” by Dr. Karyl McBride provides insights and guidance.
If you are the daughter of a mother who was not loving, you are not the same as everyone else, things are harder on you for a number of reasons. Unloving mothers bring their kids up in an atmosphere that squashes emotional responses. While it teaches them to protect themselves, it doesn’t allow them to be their true selves. They develop a mindset that other people might not understand.
Daughters of unloving mothers tend to carry the following scars with them throughout their lives. While they are stronger for their experiences, they are also weak in other ways. Sure, we face many things in our lives but if you’re the product of a mother who was not willing to show you the love you needed, the following thoughts might be things you experience quite often or struggle with big time.
11 Thoughts That The Daughters of Unloving Mothers Carry With Them:
1. I am not trying hard enough.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you probably feel far more than no that your efforts are not good enough. As long as you are doing your best, you are making a good enough effort. Stop beating yourself down.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you probably struggle with saying no. Saying no is important and if you’re not able to do-so, working on it is crucial. Don’t agree to things you don’t want to agree to.
3. I just can’t get anything right.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you probably tend to wonder why things are always going wrong. Even the simplest issues throw you through the roof. While it might be frustrating, you cannot give into this feeling. Navigating these feelings can be challenging. To help process and understand them better, consider delving into “The Emotionally Absent Mother: A Guide to Self-Healing and Getting the Love You Missed” by Jasmin Lee Cori.
4. I am too ____.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you might feel like you are too much or other things of the sort at times. This is because your mother may have told you at one point or another that you are too emotional or too anything else. This happens more than you might think.
5. No one really cares about me.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you might not think anyone cares about you. This is not true. There are people who care about you, whether you realize it or not.
6. I am just not good enough.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you probably feel like you’re not good enough or struggle with this feeling. You are good enough. Her unrealistic views of you were just not achievable, and that is not your fault.
7. I wish I were different.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you might wish you were someone else. While there is nothing wrong with being yourself, you feel incomplete. This is a feeling most people will not understand. Understanding oneself and finding self-acceptance is crucial. A read that can aid in this journey is “Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha” by Tara Brach.
8. If I were anyone else I’d fit in.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, chances are you feel quite out of place. You don’t feel like you fit in, and you think that somehow everyone else does. The truth is no one fits in.
9. I just don’t deserve to be loved.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you probably don’t feel like you deserve the love she refused to give you. You do deserve love, and you will find it someday. You have to work within before it comes your way, but you shouldn’t sell yourself short regardless.
10. I don’t belong anywhere.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you might not feel like you can find a place you belong. You feel like you don’t really fit in anywhere. It’s like the world just wasn’t made for you this isn’t true, there is a place for you, but you have to work within to get there. “Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone” by Brené Brown provides insightful perspectives on this very topic.
11. I always have to be as perfect as possible.
If you grew up with an unloving mother, you might feel like you always have to be perfect. The truth is perfect doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as being perfect and you need to come to terms with that.
Image via The Power of Silence