Growing up in a situation in which you don’t feel loved is a tragedy that no one should ever have to endure. And while the effects of such a tragedy will follow you throughout life, there are some lessons and wisdom that are gained as well.
I wouldn’t wish childhood trauma or an unloving parent on anyone. There is nothing good about questioning your self-worth due to the lack of a parent’s love. But unloved daughters to gain some form of wisdom along the way, albeit is dark wisdom.
For those navigating this path, resources like therapy and supportive communities, as well as books like “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents” by Lindsay C. Gibson or “Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers” by Dr. Karyl McBride, can offer guidance and support.
In a way, you could say that unloved daughters have a sort of spidey sense that can only be granted through the darkness they endure. Here are 7 pieces of accidental wisdom only unloved daughters can relate to.
1. Learning to stand on your own.
Being in a situation without love or support is not optimal, but in those darkest moments, you learn to depend on yourself. You grow to understand your strength and develop a sense of nurturing and support for yourself.
2. Love isn’t something that is earned, it is freely given.
Unloving parents treat love as though it’s a reward. They only give affection when their child does what they demand. That’s not love- it’s manipulation. And you can only understand that when you’ve been in the midst of it.
During a relationship with a parent who isn’t loving, you start to pick up on their energy. You may become hyper-vigilant of their emotions and energies so you know when you expect love and when to expect neglect. This is a horrible thing for anyone to have to endure. However, those who go through it are some of the most compassionate and loving people when all is said in done. They learn to understand human emotions on a much higher scale than most.
4. They can spot toxic people a mile away.
When you grow up dealing with toxic parents, or parents that don’t love you the way you deserve, you can spot someone with this type of energy a mile away. For most, we don’t grow to understand human toxicity until we interact with it, and many people don’t until they are well into adulthood. However, the unloved daughter grows up around it, and she can sense it coming.
5. They understand the true implications of negativity.
When you are around a negative or cold person in the beginning stages of your life, you grow to understand just how ugly that life can be. Abusers, neglecters, and emotionally cold people live isolated life, and that is ever so obvious to those closest to them. In turn, unloved daughters will likely strive towards living a more meaningful life and will try to avoid the darkness as much as possible.
6. They learn what it is to truly be a survivor.
While growing up without love or support, you have two choices, you can be a victim of your situation or a survivor. And a major takeaway and superpower for many unloved daughters are learning how to be a survivor. Once you take the path of being a survivor, that will always be the path you stay on, and throughout your life, you will have the power to overcome obstacles that others likely wouldn’t.
7. They realize that their unloving parents were truly the ones who missed out.
This is a hard one to see during the situation itself, but as you get older, you will start to see that your parent’s lack of love took more away from them than it did you. They missed out on one of the most beautiful bonds in the entire world, and they will never get that back. It’s such a waste to let your child’s life pass by before your eyes, and miss out on all the beautiful moments you could have had with them.