Skip to main content

So, you’re head over heels in love, determined that this is the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with, but do you ever wonder if your partner feels the same way? Learn to identify the signs that your partner sees you as an option in their life, not a priority.

If you’re looking for nothing more than a fling, power to you. This isn’t to say that all relationships have to be long-term focused. However, it’s important, to be honest, and share what you are looking for and where you see the relationship going in order to ensure that you are both on the same page. If, however, you believe that you’re with your soulmate, the person you will spend the rest of your life with, you would hope they share that sentiment. This, unfortunately, isn’t always true.

While there is no guaranteed way to identify where someone’s mind is at coming out of the gate, there are signs and red flags that you can watch out for, revealing the truth behind their words and actions. Are they here for the long haul? Or, are they merely stringing you along, focusing on you only when they consider it to be convenient for them?

Watch out for these 15 red flags that you aren’t a priority in his life, merely an option:

#1 – They are always canceling plans with you.

Even if you can get your partner to make plans, you don’t get your hopes up. Why? Looking back, you see that he cancels plans with you more often than he sticks to them. It’s so discouraging, you may even give up on trying to make plans altogether.

#2 – When you share details about your life, you know they won’t remember it after.

You’d love to think that your partner cares enough about what’s going on in your life that he actually listens when you are sharing things with him. However, you already know that it’s simply going in one ear and out the other – that’s all that ever happens when you open up.

#3 – Your partner regularly tells you that you’re too needy.

If your partner is only interested in their own feelings and needs, they may try to dissuade you from sharing anything with them or calling you on your selfishness. They do so through manipulation, telling you that you’re needy and making it seem as though you’re the one with all the issues in the relationship. Never let anyone convince you that you deserve less in life. You’re not a pawn in their game.

#4 – You notice that you are feeling unhappy or upset in the relationship more than anything.

Every relationship is going to have its highs and lows. Even the happiest and healthiest relationships are going to fight. Pay attention, however, to what you feel most often in your relationship. If despite the bumps in the road, you’re usually happy, that’s a sign of a healthy relationship. However, if you notice that you’re upset more than anything, it’s time to ask why.

#5 – You’ve never met their friends or family members.

While they may try to tell you that you’re important in their life, do you notice that they are keeping you hidden away from everyone they deem to be important? If they saw this relationship as serious, they would look forward to introducing you to the people that they care about. Instead, however, they avoid situations where you might meet so that when they eventually get bored and walk away, they don’t have to explain it to anyone.

#6 – You catch them regularly telling you lies about the littlest, most insignificant things.

Not only does your partner lie about the big things, where he has something to gain, you catch him lying constantly about everything and anything. When it comes down to it, he simply doesn’t respect you enough to tell you the truth – about anything…

#7 – It can take days before your partner will reply to your attempts to contact them.

Whether you’re calling your partner, texting them or reaching out to them at social media, you already know you’re not going to hear back anytime soon. After all, it generally takes them days or weeks to get around to you. This is even more frustrating if you see that they are quick to pull out their phone when you’re together in person, making a point of getting back to everyone else right away.

#8 – They always appear to be bored when they are spending time with you.

When the two of you are spending time together, you can’t help but notice that they always seem to be bored or disinterested in you or your plans. They may spend all their time playing with their phone as if trying to escape the situation entirely.

#9 – Any plans that they make are spur of the moment, never planned in advance.

Your partner doesn’t take the time to plan out a date for next week, putting forethought into your plans together. Instead, every time he calls or texts you, it’s always a last-minute plan. In these moments, you’re an afterthought, someone to call up when everyone else is unavailable.

#10 – You spend a lot of time alone simply because you keep your schedule open for them.

You genuinely want to spend time with them, so you will go to extremes to try to facilitate this. You turn down offers from friends and family to make plans, spending much of your time home alone doing nothing just so that you can keep your schedule wide open in the hopes that message from your partner will come through. Unfortunately, in these cases, you’re usually nothing more than a ‘backburner’ relationship, someone to fall back on if nothing else comes through. If a better option comes along, that call will never come.

#11 – Your partner never takes you out in public.

This is an important sign to take note of – when you are spending time together, is it always behind closed doors? Does your partner keep you hidden away from the world, avoiding being seen with you in public? If so, your partner just likely has no plans for a future together. They just want you around for their fun and enjoyment until they get bored.

#12 – They leave you out of big plans while inviting other people.

If they are planning a big event, party or gathering, you should be the first person that comes to mind when it’s time to make the guest list. After all, if you were a priority he would genuinely want to share these moments with you. Instead, he puts together a full guest list and somehow your name is always ‘forgotten’.

#13 – You’re never their date to family functions.

Even when they aren’t responsible for planning the event, and simply have to select one date to accompany them to family functions like Christmas or a wedding, you are never the one that they ask. They may try to explain it away as if they are doing you a favor, but the fact that they won’t bring you around their family sends a pretty clear message.

#14 – You are constantly making excuses for your partner’s behavior.

You can see that the decisions and actions of your partner are often questionable, at best. However, rather than holding them responsible for their errors, you are always making excuses for their behavior. Unfortunately, all this does is enable them to continue acting in this way.

#15 – The only person putting effort into your relationship is you.

A healthy relationship requires both parties to put forth time, effort and commitment. However, if you notice that you’re the only one putting in an effort, then there’s a good chance your partner is simply enjoying the free ride for as long as they can.