Skip to main content

When people discuss personality types, there are two main labels that come to mind – the energetic, outgoing ‘extrovert’ and the shy, reserved introvert. However, life isn’t always black and white. What about those who fall somewhere in between on the spectrum?

The common misconception about introverts is that we just hate being around people in general. That couldn’t be further from the truth! We hate shallow socializing.

You know those parties where the sole purpose is for people to break off into groups and chat about the weather or sports or even what your children are up to. We want meaningful conversations with the people who actually matter. I don’t like being alone 24/7, but it is important to me to spend my time with the people who actually matter.

I just woke up one day and realized that life was too short to spend it with part time people. I don’t hate going out, but for me and most introverts social events are something we go to, to find meaning in life and other people. We do it so that we find those people who are really going to count!

I am an introvert and I don’t hate people, I just hate shallow socializing.

Are you an ‘outgoing introvert’? Watch for these 11 signs:

#1 – You place a great deal of importance on the environment you are in.

This is a detail that most extroverts completely overlook, but the environment that you enter into will play a huge role in whether or not you can be comfortable in a social setting. This includes the overall energy of a space, whether it’s light and welcoming or dark and gloomy, as well as the smallest of details like the smells in the area or the music that may be playing. Why? Even when you are out in a group of people, you are still paying attention to and analyzing every last detail around you.

#2 – You aren’t interested in cultivating shallow friendships.

While others may be happy with surrounding themselves with acquaintances and shallow connections, this holds no appeal for you.  Instead, you want to create deep, meaningful friendships. You understand that this means your social circle may be smaller, but you firmly believe that it is about quality, not quantity.

#3 – You spend much of your life lost in your own thoughts.

As much as you may share more than a typical introvert, that doesn’t mean that you are free from the ongoing conversation happening in your mind. For every thought you share, a dozen or more others have kept you thinking, overanalyzing every action and opportunity. You often find yourself preoccupied with these thoughts, even spacing out at times and forgetting about what is happening in the world around you.

#4 – You need to ‘warm up’ a little in social situations before you open up.

Those around you may not see it, but you are incredibly comfortable in many social situations. The difference between you and an extrovert is often simply that it takes you time to warm up. When you first walk into a group situation you are often relatively quiet and reserved, but with time you will start to lower your barriers and reveal your true personality.

#5 – You genuinely want to know all the finer details.

When someone is sharing a story with you, or you’re getting to know someone new, you will likely ask a lot of questions. While this may seem ‘odd’ to those that don’t subscribe to your line of thinking, the truth is that you genuinely want to know all the little details about what happened or who you are connecting with. You are naturally curious in every way.

#6 – You find it hard to find the ‘perfect’ romantic partner.

The introvert side of yourself causes you to overthink and overanalyze everything, creating your idea of the ‘perfect’ partner. With this image in mind, you set out in the world, refusing to settle for anything less. The problem with this? Perfect doesn’t exist. You may pass up on some amazing people simply due to your extreme fear of opening up to the wrong person and getting hurt. It may be frightening, but everyone deserves to find love.

#7 – You have no interest in empty, meaningless conversations.

You’re not interested in wasting your time with small talk about the local sports team or the current change in the weather. Instead, if you’re going to put yourself out there and engage in conversations with another, you want it to be deep and meaningful. You want to know what the other person truly thinks and feels, their opinions and their goals in life.

#8 – You prefer one on one connections or smaller groups to larger social settings.

The more people that are involved, the harder it is for you to handle. It’s not that you don’t enjoy the social time, but large groups can easily be overwhelming and downright exhausting. Instead, you prefer spending your time in smaller groups where you can genuinely get to know the people around you and make new friends and connections.

#9 – You will go out of your way to ensure that others are comfortable.

As a people pleaser yourself, you recognize how difficult it can be at times to act like everything is okay when it’s not. It’s quite the burden to bear, one that you wouldn’t wish upon your worst enemy. For this reason, you will go to out of your way to try to make everyone around you as comfortable as possible, always taking their thoughts and feelings into consideration even when it’s not actually your responsibility to do so.

#10 – Your energy level is directly connected with your surroundings.

You are incredibly sensitive to the situation around you, giving your environment the power to influence your feelings as well as the energy that you’re feeling at any moment. For this reason, you find that some situations will motivate you, triggering excitement, while others will leave you feeling drained and inactive. It’s not that you’re lazy, you just find some situations more difficult to keep up with.

#11 – You value your alone time.

You understand the importance of scheduling some ‘me time’ into your busy schedule. This is your opportunity to rest and recharge, a break from the stress and demands of the world. While you do enjoy some social time with others, the whole process is incredibly draining for you. This ‘downtime’ is SO important for your emotional and mental health. Don’t allow anyone to talk you out of prioritizing your self-care.