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When it comes to narcissistic people and the things they do, wrapping your head around it can be quite hard. This is because as a normal person who feels for others, you don’t want to hurt them to get what you want. 

Narcissists for those who do not know are people with something many refer to as NPD or narcissistic personality disorder. NPD is as the name suggests, a personality disorder. Those with this tend to lack empathy on most levels and seek a lot of admiration from others. They are quite arrogant and only tend to think of themselves. They can be quite manipulative and do not mind hurting the people in their lives to get where they feel they need to be or to get what they want as a whole. 

People with NPD are not the kind of people you can change or show the error of their ways. They are unable to resonate with us and our emotions, which means while we might explain to them what they’re doing wrong, they’re just not going to ‘get’ it. This, leaving us when too close to them no choice but to cut ties for our own wellbeing as a whole.

While narcissistic people didn’t choose to be the way that they are, they are still very cold, and they do a lot of damage to the people around them. These kinds of people are quite charming, and lots of people love to be around them until their masks come off. Once you get close to them, they begin showing their true colors, and that’s where things go south.

In regards to narcissists and being in a relationship with one Psychology Today wrote as follows:

At home, narcissists are totally different than their public persona. They may privately denigrate the person they were just entertaining. After an initial romance, they expect appreciation of their specialness and specific responses through demands and criticism in order to manage their internal environment and protect against their high sensitivity to humiliation and shame. Relationships revolve around them, and they experience their mates as extensions of themselves.

 Nothing that others do is right or appreciated. Their partners are expected to meet their endless needs — for admiration, service, love, or purchases — and are dismissed when they don’t. That their spouse is ill or in pain is inconsequential. Narcissists don’t like to hear “no” and often expect others to know their needs without having to ask. They manipulate to get their way and punish or make partners feel guilty for turning them down.

Trying to please the narcissist is thankless, like trying to fill a bottomless pit. They manage to find fault with your efforts or give back-handed compliments so that you always feel one down. If they’re momentarily pleased, they’re soon disparaging or asking for more from you. They make their partners experience what it was like having had a cold, invasive, or unavailable narcissistic parent. Anne Rice’s vampire Lestat had just such an emotionally empty mother, who devotedly bonded with him to survive. The deprivation of real nurturing and a lack of boundaries make narcissists dependent on others to feed their insatiable need for validation.

Partners often doubt the narcissist’s sincerity and question whether it’s really manipulation, pretense, or a manufactured “as-if” personality. They feel tense and drained from unpredictable tantrums, attacks, false accusations, criticism, and unjustified indignation about small or imaginary slights. These partners also lack boundaries and absorb whatever is said about them as truth. In vain attempts to win approval and stay connected, they sacrifice their needs and walk on eggshells, fearful of displeasing the narcissist. They daily risk blame and punishment, love being withheld, or a rupture in the relationship. They worry what their spouses will think or do, and become as preoccupied with the narcissist as they are with themselves.

Understanding the narcissist is no easy task and in many cases might not be worth your time. That being said, if you’re unable to cut ties completely, be it because you work with someone who is a narcissist or something else of the sort, the things written above will help you to come to terms with what that person is and how you should move forth with them. Distance is key and so, as little contact as possible is crucial for maintaining your own wellbeing while having to be in their presence on some levels. 

Narcissism is something that goes a lot further than most people tend to realize, and you should keep that in mind when addressing this kind of thing. For more information on this topic, please check out the video below. It will provide you with a lot more insight into this kind of thing.