When we enter into our relationship, and the sparks are flying, we don’t ever imagine there will be a day in which that spark will fade. Unfortunately though, and inevitably, it will begin to.
When that spark fades, we must try to actively re-ignite it, which takes two. And if you have the sinking feeling that your partner no longer seems attracted to you, but is still in love, it’s not a great feeling. Love is a great thing, but darling, when I tell you that love alone is not enough, I mean it. That might be a harsh truth, but if love alone was enough, it would pay our bills, feed our tummies, and satisfy our every need. But, alas, it does not. As a human, it is built into our instincts to want to feel attractive. Especially to our partner.
To help couples rekindle their relationship, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman is a valuable resource. This book offers insights into understanding and communicating in your partner’s love language, which can be crucial in reigniting the spark in a relationship.
So, when we get the sneaking feeling that is no longer the case, it can be painful. Below, I have listed the signs and behaviors that indicate your partner may be losing that spark. However, don’t dismay if the signs align with your situation. Pay attention to the signs, and if the relationship is salvageable and you want to put in the work to fix it, I would start as soon as possible. However, if you are in a one-sided situation and your partner doesn’t seem to want to work with you on this, it might be time to figure out an alternative.
1. The romance has completely died.
All of the hearts and flowers have gone out the window, and while you know you are loved, you simply don’t feel like you are wanted. You may begin to wonder if this is how things are, but in reality, maintaining the spark and attraction involves continuing to do the little things. And if your partner no longer is, it can be a problem.
2. Your partner does not tell you their needs.
When you are in a relationship, it’s a two-way street. It’s up to us to tell our partner what we need and vice versa. When your partner stops conveying what they need to you, there is trouble afoot.
For those looking to improve their communication and connection in a relationship, “Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love” by Dr. Sue Johnson provides practical advice and strategies based on Emotionally Focused Therapy to enhance emotional intimacy and bonding.
3. Your partner does not attend to your needs.
when you tell your partner what you need, they do not listen. While they may still be attentive or even loving in other areas, when you tell someone that you love what you are going through and what you need from them, and they don’t hear you, it may be time to sit down and talk some things through.
4. They are no longer affectionate.
Where there was once affection, now there’s just dead air. When you reach for your partner, they pull back or seem disinterested. And when you voice your concerns, they act as though nothing is wrong.
5. Your sex life is dead.
Sex may not be everything, but it is necessary, and it’s a fundamental human need. Yes, we all go through times when sex is the last thing on our minds. However, when the sex completely drops off-your relationship may be in trouble.
In addressing challenges in the bedroom, “Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life” by Emily Nagoski offers a comprehensive and science-based approach to understanding and improving one’s sex life, which can be beneficial for couples experiencing a decline in their sexual relationship.
6. They spend most of their time elsewhere.
If your partner is always with friends, co-workers, or family and never spends any time with you, it can be concerning. You may want to be understanding, but then at the same time, you will begin to feel overlooked. This is normal because in a healthy relationship there is balance.
7. The relationship feels more like a weird friendship than it does a relationship.
In relationships where one or both partners have lost their attraction to the other, the relationship can begin to look more like a friendship than a relationship. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s important for your partner to be your friend. But typically, our needs go beyond just friendship when it comes to love.
8. Time together feels forced.
During the time you share, it feels awkward or off. There are a lot of misunderstandings. You have to constantly talk to push the conversation, and there are more quiet moments than anything else.