You have always been that one friend that everyone knows they can turn to when times are tough. You’re the ‘rock,’ putting the well-being of friends and family before your own needs time and time again.
It’s admirable, really, however, there is such thing as giving too much. If you notice that you need to give unto those around you is actually introducing negativity into your own life, holding you back from achieving happiness in your own life, it may be time to reconsider your decisions. If you feel like this may describe you, it’s time to take notice! Your health and well-being may be at stake. For those struggling with this realization, “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is an invaluable resource. This book offers practical advice on how to set healthy limits with others.
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Do You Give Too Much of Yourself? Watch for These 7 Signs!
#1 – You are the one that everyone turns to for help…. ALL THE TIME!
It’s not that you mind helping friends, in fact, you enjoy the fact you can fix their major struggles and difficulties. However, spending day in and day out solving every little problem and concern can be draining. If your friends feel the need to call you over even the smallest of problems, it’s time to start establishing boundaries.
#2 – You are always bailing out the people that you care about.
Helping others is one thing, but when you notice that the people in your life are failing to help themselves, opting instead to wait for you to bail them out all the time, this is a sign that you need to take a step back. People can become completely dependent on this type of ‘get out of jail free card’ if you aren’t careful. “The Disease to Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome” by Harriet B. Braiker delves into the underlying reasons for people-pleasing behaviors and provides strategies for overcoming them.
#3 – You are compromising your own morals and values.
Each of us has our own set of beliefs, one that we hold to be important in our own lives. If someone’s constant need for help requires you to break your personal ‘code of conduct,’ requiring you to deceive others, keep secrets or violate your own moral code, then it has crossed the line from positive helping to a toxic dependence. It’s time to put our foot down.
#4 – You struggle with even the idea of saying ‘No.’
You hate the very idea of letting the people around you down. For this reason, you will go out of your way to do whatever you can to help out your friends and family. If you find yourself agreeing to take something on despite a busy schedule, or the fact you honestly don’t want to do it, then that’s a sign that you need to learn to prioritize yourself once in awhile. “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff encourages readers to treat themselves with the same kindness they extend to others, a crucial step in prioritizing your own needs.
#5 – You find yourself turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
The act of giving can be hard on you physically, mentally and spiritually. If you are giving too much of yourself to others, you may find yourself feeling completely stressed and overwhelmed. This is the point where many people turn to coping mechanisms to get by such as over-eating, drinking, sex or binge shopping. Don’t allow yourself to engage in unhealthy habits just to help those around you. “Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” by Melody Beattie focuses on breaking free from codependent relationships and finding fulfillment in taking care of yourself.
#6 – You begin to see that you are being manipulated into helping.
If a friend asks you for your help or assistance, that’s one thing. If, however, you notice that they are manipulating your emotions or deceiving you in order to convince you to help, ultimately benefiting from the arrangement at your expense, that’s not okay. Don’t allow someone to use feelings of guilt, shame or responsibility to back you into a corner, forcing you to play into their hand. You deserve better.
#7 – You fail to make the time for ‘me time.’
It may feel selfish but making time for yourself is incredibly important. This is your opportunity to rest and recharge, providing you with the energy that you need in order to face another day. Whether you are taking a relaxing bath or curling up with your favorite book, always make time for self-care.
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