Let’s be honest, the dating world is anything but easy, filled with mixed messages, failed relationships, difficulty connecting, broken hearts, and casual flings. If you’re looking to find a happy, lasting relationship, it can feel like you’re entering a minefield!
We’d all love to believe that there was some sort of magical solution to finding ‘the one’, a clear test that would separate the short-term flings and doomed relationships from our happily-ever-after. Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. In fact, if you want to find true, lasting, meaningful love you must be willing to open yourself up and be vulnerable, even if it means that your heart may be broken a time or two. When you do find ‘the one’ and you look back, you’ll be thankful for everything that brought you to where you are.
In the meantime, however, experts say that there are little signs or indications that something in your relationship isn’t quite right, it’s ‘off’ somehow. Alone, these points may not mean much, if anything at all, but if you go through this list and they start to add up then you should pay attention!
Watch out for these 14 often overlooked signs that your relationship isn’t going to last:
#1 – You never argue, fight or disagree.
This may sound completely counterproductive, after all, it’s natural to believe that arguing with someone would be the first sign that there is a problem. However, relationship experts say that the opposite is actually true. Every couple fights, it’s actually a sign of open and honest communication, so long as the fight remains fair and respectful. If you don’t, the odds are that at least one of you is internalizing your pain and frustration. These feelings aren’t just going to fade away – instead, they will continue to fester until the relationship completely blows up.
#2 – Your regular routine starts to become routine and unengaging.
There is no denying the fact that this one can be difficult to assess, as we all go through a roller-coaster ride of excitement and more mundane, boring times in our lives. However, it’s important to pay attention to whether or not the passion in your relationship is being lost entirely. If you notice that you’re both going through day after day on autopilot, it’s time to ask the difficult question – is this going to change? Are we willing to put the time and effort into changing it? If not, it’s only a matter of time before one of you feels trapped and the relationship ends as you break free in order to seek happiness in your life once again.
#3 – They try to avoid apologizing even when they’re wrong.
Let’s be honest, no one is perfect and we’re all going to make mistakes at one time or another in our lives. Even you – it’s harsh but it’s true. The difference is found in how someone chooses to respond to the mistakes that they have made. If your partner doesn’t respect you enough to own their errors and apologize for the errors that they have made, know that this is eventually going to drive a huge rift between you. The only way for a relationship to last long term is if both parties trust and respect one another.
#4 – The sacrifices and compromises required in your relationship feel completely one-sided.
Relationships require compromise and sacrifice, this is inevitable. It’s never easy to take two lives, two sets of goals and dreams, and to combine them together as one. However, if you truly love your partner and you are both committed to making it work, you will discover a middle ground that is able to keep everyone happy. However, if the relationship is one-sided, it’s only a matter of time before it is going to start creating feelings of resentment and contention. In order for a relationship to work both partners must show the same level of respect and dedication, and this means balancing the sacrifices that are required.
#5 – You rarely, if ever, discuss the future of your relationship.
When you close your eyes and picture your future, does it include your current partner? If you have a hard time picturing yourselves together in 5 or 10 years, this is a huge red flag. When you enter into a committed, lasting relationship, you are identifying the person that you want to spend your life with. If you struggle to picture this person in your future, this is a pretty clear sign that this may just be a ‘fun for now’ relationship.
#6 – The relationship started as a complete whirlwind romance.
This doesn’t always spell doom, however, when combined with other points on this list it is definitely a red flag. Often when we experience whirlwind romances, where we find ourselves whisked away in what can only be described as a fairy-tale romance, it is based completely on physical attraction and how you are feeling in the moment. However, much like the ‘honeymoon’ phase that people discuss when it comes to marriage, these feelings will soon pass. When this electricity and attraction begins to fade, what will you be left with? It is for this reason that many whirlwind relationships fizzle out as quickly as they began.
#7 – They have no interest in getting to know your friends and family.
Your friends and family are the people who hold an important and special place in your heart, the people that ‘matter’ in your life. When someone comes into your life with the intention to stay, they will recognize this and respect the importance you place on these people. This isn’t to say they are going to become best friends (although it’s great when that does happen) but at the very least, they will go out of the way to get to know these special people and treat them with respect, as anyone who is important to you is important to them.
#8 – You feel as though your individual identity and interests are lost.
This largely stems back to a major misconception when it comes to finding true love. The ideal match for you isn’t someone who ‘completes’ you because you are a complete, amazing and powerful person all on your own. Instead, you need to find someone that compliments who you are while still allowing you to be yourself. If you’ve noticed that your identity and the things that once mattered to you are fading away as you spend more time in this relationship, it’s time to take a step back and reassess the impact this relationship has on your life. A healthy relationship should allow space for both of you to retain your individual interests and passions while coming together in new interests, passions, and hobbies as a couple.
#9 – When you receive important news and are looking to celebrate, they aren’t the first person you call.
Did you get that big promotion you were trying for? Did your sister just call to let you know that she’s engaged to her long-term boyfriend that you adore? When you get really good news and you’re looking to celebrate, who is the first person that you call? This reveals a really important piece of information – the role that these people play in your life. If your partner isn’t the first person that comes to mind, it’s time to take a look at where they fit into your priorities. After all, when you commit your life to someone, you’d like to think they make you a priority, and you need to be doing the same, otherwise, the relationship won’t stand the test of time.
#10 – On the other hand, who do you call when life is crashing down, and you need support?
Good news isn’t the only time you discover the roles that people play in your life. When you are facing the darker times in life, the first person you reach out to is going to be someone that you trust to be there for you and support you regardless of how difficult this may be. In a close, solid relationship, this is a role your partner should take on, acting as your cheerleader, sounding board and support system. If you can’t trust them to be by your side, it’s time to ask yourself why you are still together.
#11 – They don’t make an effort to listen when you speak.
Active listening is a clear indication of how much someone cares for and respects you. We have a bad habit in our society today of only listening to someone when it serves to benefit us in some way. However, if you truly love someone then you genuinely care about how they’re feeling, what happened in their day or what is currently happening in their life. When you speak, they listen intently to hear the message, not just the words while waiting for their chance to speak. If you notice that your partner isn’t even trying to listen to what you have to say, it’s a sign they aren’t fully invested.
#12 – One partner completely dominates the other in your relationship.
While its completely normal for one partner to be the more assertive, outgoing one in the relationship, pay attention if you notice the power balance is completely off. If your partner is often the one calling the shots, do they do so while considering and valuing your thoughts and opinions? If not, you need to ask yourself if you are willing to spend your life bowing down to the desires of someone else. After all, they are already showing you that they don’t respect what you need in this relationship. This likely isn’t going to change.
#13 – They fail to show interest in your career, studies or hobbies.
This isn’t to say that they instantly have to join your sports team or pick up a musical instrument just because it’s important to you. The fact that we are all a little different is a key reason why relationships work out as well as they do. However, if your partner truly cares for you, then they will show interest in the things that matter to you most simply because they are important to you. In a happy, healthy relationship, you will celebrate one another’s accomplishments and successes, and support their efforts. Some experts believe your partner may even have the ability to make or break your career. If, however, your partner appears to be completely apathetic to all that you’re do, take note.
#14 – You just know.
One incredible tool that we all have, but far too many of us overlook is our intuition. This is a gift, one that has been sent to protect you and encourage you to make healthy, happy choices in your life. If you just know that something is off about your relationship, even if you can’t put your finger on exactly why – don’t shrug this off. Something is leading you to feel this way. Listen to your intuition, take a step back and do some serious self-evaluation.