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You have been searching for that ‘special someone,’ and as luck would have it you find yourself connected with someone amazing. One date leads to another, and before you know it, you are happily committed with the perfect person – or are you? Finding your soulmate may not be as easy as you would like to believe…

If you’re in a serious relationship and considering taking the next big step, allow yourself to take a minute to look back at your relationship. Not everyone that you date is going to be ‘the one,’ in fact, you are going to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince. The key to avoiding total heartbreak is learning to identify the warning signs early.

12 Often Overlooked Signs That Your Partner Is Not Your Soulmate:

1. Your partner puts you up on a pedestal.

While a relationship certainly should include love and affection, if they cross the line into the territory of worshiping you then pay attention. You should love one another including both your strengths and weaknesses, however, if your partner is blind to your quirks then they aren’t going to be able to help you grow in this life. For a balanced perspective on love that transcends idealization, “The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values, and Spiritual Growth” by M. Scott Peck offers profound insights into the nature of loving relationships, emphasizing growth and realism over fantasy.

2. You notice that you are beginning to forget parts of who you are.

When you find your soulmate, they will love every aspect of what makes you who you are. They will help you to grow over time, but never force change upon you. You may have to make some sacrifices, but if you notice that being around your partner is causing you to start to forget who you are, this is a red flag. Don’t sacrifice yourself for someone else.

3. They leave you feeling insecure.

It’s normal to feel insecure from time to time in our lives, however, it is at these points in our life that we need to be able to turn to our partner for support and encouragement. If your partner is the one making you feel insecure, then there is definitely something wrong.

4. You don’t share the same morals, values and life goals.

When you enter into a long-term relationship, you are looking for someone to build your ‘dream life’ with. This should be someone that has similar values, someone that shares a similar vision of where you are going. If their goals don’t line up with your own, then this may not be ‘the one.’ “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert” by John Gottman delves into the key principles that make a relationship last, including shared meaning and mutual respect.

5. Your partner tries to control you.

When you enter into a relationship with ‘the one,’ you are looking for a partner, someone that you can face life with as equals. If your partner makes you feel as though you are ‘lesser than,’ or as if they have some sort of right to control you, then its time to break free for your own good.

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6. They fail to see your real worth.

You are an amazing individual, with a lot to bring to the table. Not only should you see your incredible value in this life, but so too should your partner. A soulmate will understand their partner’s worth, genuinely grateful for the opportunity to spend their lives together.

7. Your partner brings you more pain than they do happiness.

Sure, relationships are going to take some work and sacrifice, and there will be challenging times along the way, no one is denying this fact. However, if you look back over the course of your relationship and see that your partner makes you frown more often than they make you smile, take note.

8. You find yourself stalling, avoiding taking the next step.

If you are building a life with someone, you should want to take the next step and move your relationship forward. If you notice that you are hesitating on moving forward, there is a reason. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but there’s a reason you don’t want to take this step. Take this as a sign.

9. Your partner gives you any reason to believe that they aren’t trustworthy.

In order for a relationship to function, you need to be able to trust your partner. If they have given you any reason to question this level of trust, big or small, this is going to hold you back from truly connecting with one another. Trust your gut, and don’t overlook any signs of deception. “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity” by Esther Perel offers a nuanced exploration of trust, fidelity, and how to rebuild trust after it’s been broken.

10. They are rushing your relationship faster than you are comfortable with.

A real relationship should happen naturally, following a comfortable time frame that works for both individuals involved. If you find that your partner is rushing your relationship, ignoring your comfort level then be warned – a relationship that builds too quickly often crashes hard.

11. You don’t feel passionate when you are together.

This may sound cheesy, but when you find your soulmate they should make you feel as though there are butterflies in your stomach. If your heart doesn’t race when you think about them, then your body is giving you a very important message. Listen to it.

12. They are closed off to you.

A solid, healthy relationship is built on open communication on every level. If you notice that your partner is keeping themselves walled off from you, avoiding opening their heart, mind, and soul to you as their partner, then they are denying you this important foundation. This is going to prevent you from developing the necessary connection.

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