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Alain de Botton, the creator of a phenomenal and informative YouTube channel called the School of Life, has a lot to say about marriage, and why we will marry the wrong person. In his video, which honestly took me by surprise, he gives a unique theory behind this.

To begin, he explains that as humans, we are almost guaranteed to marry the wrong person. However, he goes on to explain, while this person may not be the ‘right’ person, if they are a ‘good enough’ person, we should consider ourselves lucky.

Throughout our lives, we are taught that we should only settle down with Mr. or Mrs. Right, or the one. Much like a Disney fairytale, we are sold this dream of a perfect person that will love us exactly like what we deserve.

This particular theory sets many of us up for failure. Why? Because people are not perfect. Just like Mr. Botton says in the video, none of us are easy to deal with or to live with. And love is a skill that has to be learned and understood correctly.

Oftentimes, we look at love as an instinct, something that comes without any real knowledge. However, while we are all good at being loved (well most of us anyway) giving love is something else entirely. On that endeavor, we often place conditions on our love. “I’ll love you as long as you do x, y, z,” all the while, forgetting we are also imperfect.

To get a full grasp of what he has to say, I truly do encourage you to watch the video below. He also has a collection of essays on his website that are beautiful. While it may be hard to look at love in this light, I believe it’s truly important. Especially in a society that has been sold a fairytale view of what love is when, in reality, it is anything but a fairytale.