Children are not toys. While some of us may feel like they ‘belong’ to us, we all need to understand that they are people as well.
When our children throw a fit, of course, they should be dealt with. They shouldn’t be allowed to run all over everyone. Discipline is necessary regardless of how you do it (within reason no, abusing your children is not okay). But, when we are listening to our children cry because they are in trouble, and we just stand there ignoring them, we are sending them the WRONG message. I know a lot of people are going to disagree with me on this one, but please understand where I am coming from.
Affection is not a reward. Comfort is not a reward. Love is not a reward. We should never just ignore our children. We should comfort them when they are upset. Sure, they should know that something they have done is wrong, but we shouldn’t set them up to think that just because we are angry that they no longer deserve our love and affection.
Children are people, I cannot stress this enough. Their mental well-being is IMPORTANT. Think back to a point in your childhood where you were upset and crying with no one to comfort you, how did that make you feel? Didn’t feel good, did it? Your children need to know that their feelings DO matter.
I see parents doing this all the time, they think that by doing this they are going to be able to make their children more obedient, and I think that is bullshit. Ignoring our children when they really feel like there is something wrong; when they are so upset that their bodies will not let them stop crying, it digs a hole between the two of you.
This overtime shows your children that when there is something truly wrong, they shouldn’t come to you. It shows them on some level that you won’t be there to help them through the tough points in their lives. It weakens the connection you have with your children.
No, I don’t mean we should turn our children into snowflakes, but we should be there for them in all ways possible even when they are in trouble. They can be disciplined and still not feel neglected emotionally at the same time. You can tell your child no and still comfort him or her. You don’t have to give in and buy that toy, you can just be there for them and that is enough.
Comforting your child gives him or her a sense of trust in you that you will not be able to win back if you don’t nurture it now. Be there for your children in all the ways that you can.