Far more people face the question of whether or not they want their marriage to be open than you think. Sure, most marriages are closed and overall content but sometimes people need a little more and there is nothing wrong with that. 

It takes a lot of courage and a great connection with your partner to be able to ask for something like this and well, there’s more to it than most people realize. While you might start off in a closed marriage, things change and life happens. There are times when you may feel like opening things up is what’s best for you and well, if that’s the case discussing it with your partner is the right thing to do. 

When I asked my partner about an open marriage the discussion went a lot more positive than I had expected and while I would respect my partner’s wishes if they had been against things, it turns out they were thinking about the same thing on some level as well. I know, the idea of your partner engaging sexually with someone else might make you sick, and well, in those cases this kind of thing isn’t for you but not everyone is that way. I think what a lot of people do not understand is that when someone is in an open relationship or marriage, it doesn’t mean that their partner is not enough. 

Psychology Today wrote as follows about open marriages:

Furthermore, research shows that consensually non-monogamous couples have better communication skills, higher levels of trust, and lower levels of jealousy than do those in traditional marriages. These, of course, are essential qualities for any good marriage, whether monogamous or not.

So, can opening up your marriage make it happier? The research so far can’t answer this question, because it’s always looked at people after their primary relationship had become non-monogamous. What’s needed is a longitudinal study that looks at people’s relational and sexual satisfaction both before opening their marriages and afterward. This is the gap in the literature that Joel and her colleagues tried to fill in a recently published study.

This further breaking down that every marriage is different and while this might not work for some people that doesn’t mean it isn’t something that cannot work at all. As someone in an open marriage, I can tell you my relationship is stronger now than it has ever been. We still love one another and engage with one another sexually but from time to time we hook up with other people. We are able to experience new things with one another and without one another in this sense. 

I personally like experimenting with intimacy in new ways and so, this works great for me. I trust my partner and know that the things they are doing are not going over the line as they do me as well. When you’re on the same page with one another, this kind of thing can be quite beautiful. Not only does it make me feel more wanted but it really fulfills me in ways that I perhaps previously felt I was lacking.

This all having been said, I don’t just have a boyfriend or girlfriend on the side, I don’t let the people I hook up with in on that emotional level but I do respect them enough to speak through things with them rather than deceiving them from the get-go which is an issue a lot of people end up facing with this kind of thing. As long as we are all safe, things are fine within our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying everyone should be in an open marriage, but I am saying that perhaps those who think it is crazy should think it through if their partner ever comes to them about it. It could be something you’re more interested in than you might realize. 

I know this might all sound a bit crazy but I feel it’s something more people should be talking about. If you’re on the same page with your partner and you want to give it a go, don’t be too scared to try something new. Respect one another and keep communication as it should be, things aren’t as complex as they might seem. 

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