Not all love that is experienced, is experienced equally. During our life, we will fall in love three times, and each of those three loves is different from the last.
The three loves theory comes from anthropologist Helen Fisher, and her theory has been studied by various researchers who verify that her theory holds weight. Fisher believes that during our life, we will fall in love with three different people and each of those three people come into our lives and provide a different lesson.
The first love, according to Fisher, is one that we can all relate to. It comes into our life, early on, and it is full of lust. This connection is highly sexual, spontaneous, and fun. It sparks a feeling in us unlike any other. In our minds, we tell ourselves, this is it, I’ve found the one. However, while this is a form of love, it’s not true love. And eventually, this connection breaks down and the end comes. When it does, we are left feeling like our entire world has shattered.
Next, we experience passionate love. When we meet this person, it’s an entirely new feeling that we get. We are enthralled with them and completely head over heels. We could talk to them all day long, every day, and it just feels right. Since it’s so passionate and there is so much love, we completely overlook everything that isn’t right in the connection. We put our worries on the backburner, and we jump in headfirst.
Unfortunately, since we are so blinded by our passion and place our worries on the backburner, we prolong the inevitable. We may stay with this person for a while before the connection ends. When this one ends, while it hurts, and hurts deeply, on many levels we accept it. But it leaves a deep scar.
Later, our third and final love comes along. When we meet them, it’s like we just know. Somewhere deep down in our soul, we recognize this person and understand that they are meant for us. This love comes at a new level, one that surpasses lust and passion and takes us to commitment. We learn to love this person on an unconditional level, and embrace and accept them, flaws and all.
The only way for this connection to end is for both partners to change in a way that causes harm to the other. Otherwise, this relationship is it. They are the ones, and it will stand the test of time. While it may sound odd, while the other two love’s endings were heartbreaking and painful, they help us to grow and prepare for the real love that is to come. So, when it comes to us, we are ready, and we embrace it in the way that we should.
This is the person we love, cherish, and grow old with. In most cases, we never sought this person out, and for many people, we give up and think it’s never going to happen. Then, at that point, when we’ve exhausted our odds and give up, they come to us out of nowhere. It’s love at first sight, built on a firm foundation.
If you have to ask yourself, “Is this the one?” Likely, they aren’t. Because when you meet them, you will know.