While it might be hard for me right now, I know that in time things will get easier. I miss you so much but I know now that you are in a better place.
Life was not as kind to you as it should have been and for that, I feel bad. I wish I could have done more for you and made a bigger difference in your life. You meant so much to me and still do, yet I all too often forgot to make sure you were aware of that.
When something great happens you’re the first person I want to run to and tell but I can’t do that, not in the ways that I want to that is. You’re no longer physically here and while I do feel like you’re watching over me sometimes, it’s just not the same. I want to be able to hug you when I’m sad and ask for advice when I need it and in more ways, than I know how to find the words for I miss your voice now more than ever.
You were the only person who truly understood me and without you here it’s been hard. You’re the first person on my mind when I wake up and the last person I think about before I go to sleep each night. You’re even now after it’s been so long still a huge part of my life and I’m still hurting. The only thing that brings me a bit of comfort is knowing that at least you are no longer hurting.
You were going through so much and in so much pain at the end and for so long you held on when you knew you were close to the end. You kept trying for all of us and you did all you could to pull through time and time again until that was no longer an option.
When I think of you I am so conflicted I smile at the memories and then break down in tears because we’re never going to be able to make new ones. Something I’ve noticed that no one told me would happen is that I’ve forgotten what your laugh sounded like. It’s like the best part of you isn’t something I can bring myself to relive and that makes me very sad.
I guess I’m writing this because I wanted to reach out and I hope that somehow it gets to you in one way or another. Whether you’re over my shoulder reading this as I am typing it or perhaps a butterfly delivers it to you where you are, I hope you do find it someday. I miss you and I will always miss you but things are getting a little better with each day that passes. I hope you’re doing well where you are and that Heaven is everything you had hoped it would be, my angel.
This world was never enough for you and I hope that you’re finally somewhere that you can truly be appreciated in all the ways you’ve always deserved.