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We all grow up at our own pace and for some of us figuring out life and love is easy but that’s not the case for everyone. When it comes to growing a lot of us have to go through the bad to find the good.

While my ex hurt me in ways people should never be hurt, in a lot of ways he shaped who I am and what I tolerate moving forward. Sure, I don’t thank him for the pain he’s caused but I do thank him for the lessons I have learned through my experiences with him and my time without him. Yes, he caused me great heartache but without the things he did to me, I would not have known what toxicity truly was.

When you go through something like what I went through with my ex, you learn that there are people in this world who will pretend to be your knight in shining armor all the while simply trying to use you for their own personal gain. You come to understand that your life as a whole is what you make it and that you accept the things in your life that you think you deserve even if they’re nothing like what you truly should be experiencing. I should not have allowed him so close but I am better now for having gone through it.

I won’t let anyone break my trust the way he did and I won’t be taken advantage of anymore, period. He showed me what love was not so that I could go forth and learn what it truly was for myself without allowing someone else to break me down as well. I would not take back my time with him even if I could because I am where I am now because I got through all of that time with him.

Of course, we had our good moments, and times weren’t always as rough as they may sound but we were not meant for one another and the pain I’ve felt has shaped me. At the end of the day, he did help me to open my eyes so that I could see the path I am meant to be on, and for that, he does deserve a small thanks.

No, I don’t ever want to see you again but I do appreciate the life lessons I gained through you. While you’re a bit fucked in the head and you need to grow a lot yourself I do hope someday you find the love you were unable to offer me. Life is short and we all, in the end, will only get as far as we allow ourselves to.