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I have been run through the gutter far more times than I want to admit and because of that, I have changed as a person. I am not the same version of myself that I once was and will never be that version of myself again.

While it does suck that I have had to force change on myself each time I was broken down and torn apart I was also given a chance to build myself back up and begin again. Even when the world was against me and love was nowhere to be found I pushed through. Without realizing it, I was able to pull myself out of it.

I am not going to go into how my heart was broken or anything like that but I am going to share with you the ways in which I have changed. Below you will find a list of things I do without realizing it because of the things I’ve been through. Chances are you do some of these without realizing it yourself as well. We all go through our own struggles and we are all stronger for having experienced the things we’ve been through, never forget that.

12 Things I Do Without Realizing It Because I’ve Been Torn Apart Far Too Many Times:

1. I don’t really let people get my hopes up.

I no longer allow other people to get my hopes up. If something needs to be done, I do it myself. I am not the kind to ask for help these days because I do not want to be let down. I just get things done as best as I can and in the end rarely disappoint myself.

2. I am not quick to rush into things.

I do not like to let anyone close. I take my time and if someone wants to be with me they have to really work for it. You cannot just come in and sweep me off of my feet.

3. I rarely trust people.

I do not trust hardly anyone anymore. My trust is hard to get and hard to keep. Even the smallest thing can turn me away from a person.

4. I can usually tell when someone is toxic.

Since the beginning of my downward spiral, I have acquired the ability to sense toxic people. Its almost as if they all look the same. When someone carries themselves in a manner that screams something negative to me I trust my gut. In the past, my intuition was not something I paid much attention to.

Now that I am able to cut ties with those who wish to do me harm from the get-go I am not surrounded by so many people who only want to use me. You would be surprised how many toxic people make their way into our inner circles. They are literally everywhere.

5. I embrace change with open arms.

I am not afraid of change anymore. Now, I allow change into my life without a second thought. I know that it is going to happen whether I want it to happen or not and I don’t obsess over it anymore. I am my own person and whatever is going to happen will happen.

6. I put myself first.

I take care of myself before anyone else. I put my own needs first and chase after my dreams. This is not something I was willing to do before. In the past, I would put the people I was dating before myself and build them up to an unrealistic level. This only damned things from the start in the long-run and I see that now.

7. I focus on friends and family.

I spend a lot more time with the people who do truly care about me than I did before. I know they have my back through whatever this world throws my way and for that I am thankful. These people deserve my time and that is why I focus on them.

8. I turn off or disconnect from my emotions.

Sometimes I find that I disconnect from my emotions. I just shift them off and ignore them. It’s like I make myself numb so I won’t have to feel anything and when I do realize that I’ve done that it has usually done some kind of damage in itself.

9. I am more pessimistic than I ever was before.

Due to the issues and heartbreak that I have overcome, I find myself thinking about everything and everyone in a negative light. While I work on this constantly, it is a day-to-day struggle.

10. I apologize a lot more than I should.

I find myself apologizing even for things I did not do or cannot change Even when I have done no wrong, I will blurt out an apology before I realize it.

11. I always hesitate when it comes to romance/dating.

I am not quick to let anyone close. I hesitate before any and all romantic changes. I am just not as willing to let people see the true me now that I’ve been through the things I’ve been through. I see things in a way that for some reason really draws me away from the idea in itself.

12. I’m a bit more free-spirited than most.

While I might not be open to love, I am open to a lot more things than I used to be. I am more willing to go out and do things that I want to do. I am willing to make myself happy finally.

I do not close myself off from experiences and chances to grow. I just take things in a more cautious manner.

Image via Elephant Journal