“Love doesn’t make the world go ‘round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.” – Franklin P. Jones
There is no desire more universal in the world than that of love. As a child, we grow up listening to fairy tales in which princesses are rescued by their prince charming, and couples ride off into the sunset for their ‘happily ever after.’ As we get older, we are exposed to the many depictions of love in our favorite television shows and Hollywood blockbusters, further building upon this dream that we possess of the perfect relationship.
Unfortunately, when we enter into the dating world we discover first hand that the idea of love is far more complicated than we have been led to believe. Faced with the many challenges that arise in our relationships, we may find ourselves longing for the feeling of true love and acceptance from our friends, family and loved ones, only to be misunderstood or overlooked in our own attempts to reach out and express our true feelings. Have you ever gone out of your way to do something for a good friend only to wonder if they even noticed? Have you rearranged your daily schedule to make time for someone just to discover that they went ahead and made other plans, failing to understand why this loss of quality time together has upset you?
It is this topic that Gary D. Chapman addresses in his book ‘The Five Love Languages.’ In it, Chapman introduces the idea that there are different ways of expressing love, or ‘love languages.’ By learning to understand you and your partner’s specific love language, you can help improve your relationship and really start getting to know your partner better.
These love languages have the ability to make our relationships better, but they can also help us to discover all those hard truths about ourselves and what makes us hard to love.
If you don’t know what you love language is, click here. After you find out what your love language is scroll on to find out the hardest part about loving you, according to your love language.
If quality time is your love language then you crave your partners undivided attention. No, I do not mean sitting on the couch watching Netflix together. Why? Because when you are watching TV, you are not paying attention to your partner, you are paying attention to the television.
What makes this so hard? If your partner does not make you his/her main interest then your relationship will begin to feel empty. While spending time together is important, sometimes people who have this love language can make their partners feel suffocated or alone.
Physical touch is one of the most powerful vehicles for communicating love. Holding hands, kissing, embracing and of course, intercourse. But for some people, physical touch is their main love language. Without touch, they feel unloved.
What makes this so hard? If you have a partner who is uncomfortable with PDA, then they are probably not the partner for you. This specific love language does not value the importance of verbal love, which can be frustrating to the other party. When it comes to the more serious issues of a relationship, your loved one could find it upsetting that you do not want to talk about it.
All five love languages challenge us to be more giving to our partners, but for some people, receiving gifts, or visible symbols of love, speak the loudest.
What makes this so hard? With this specific love language, you place a special love on money. They only thing that matters is that you receive meaningful – and constant gifts throughout your relationship. Loving you can get to be expensive, and sometimes that can be a difficult thing to live up to for your partner and their wallet.
Acts of Service
People who have this love language place an importance on doing things that you know they want you to do. People like this need and crave help from their partners and when things get tough they need to know that you will be there for them.
What makes this so hard? If your partner fails to live up to the expectations that you have set before them then it could mean an argument or even worse. You love to have favors done for you and if they don’t do them, then you jump to assumptions about them not caring about you. This can turn tricky, especially for the long term, as your partner can begin to feel like they are doing everything in the relationship and receiving nothing.
Words of Affirmation
People who have this love language place an importance of the power of words. You crave verbal compliments or words of appreciation. You need to hear the words “I love you” to know that your relationship is alive and thriving.
What makes this so hard? Because words mean so much to you, when anything negative is said it can hurt you so deeply that it takes a long time to forgive. The person who loves you has to be careful of what they say. This can really put a lot of stress on a relationship, because you are so sensitive when it comes to words. You also hold grudges easily, which is something nobody likes especially in a relationship.