Sure, when it comes to healing after going through some kind of narcissistic relationship things are not easy, but they’re also not one size fits all. What helps you heal my not help me heal and vice versa.
Because the gaslighting, manipulation, and other things we face from our narcissists are unique to us we tend to end up going down our own paths when it comes to getting back to normal once all is said and done. Sure, it’s common for survivors to hear from others a specific set of things they should do in order to heal properly but honestly, those things are not always going to make you feel better or even be possible.
Below I am going to go over some of the things that are what you would consider myths when it comes to this kind of thing. While a lot of people think they are necessary when it comes to healing and finding yourself again, they’re not necessary for everyone. Some people don’t do any of these things and still end up finding themselves once all is said and done.
5 Myths About Healing From A Narcissistic Relationship:
1. You have to forgive your narcissist.
No, you don’t unless you want to. While you might stop being angry about it after a while, you don’t have to forgive that person for what they did to you. You can close things out as you see fit all the while refusing to forgive that person for their wrongdoings and it doesn’t make you any less of a person for doing-so.
2. You have to let go of the anger you’re feeling.
Nope, you don’t necessarily have to let go of it but you do need to learn to control it. What happened to you is still pretty messed up and there is nothing wrong with being angry about it. Sure, you must acknowledge it and try to move on from it but you don’t have to pretend you’re not mad about it when you are. This person hurt you on purpose and it’s not something you’re going to be able to just get over in one night.
You can begin your healing journey all the while being angry for what you’ve gone through and refusing to forgive the person who hurt you. At the end of the day, this is your life and if you’re feeling mad then you’re feeling mad. Don’t let it consume you but also don’t bottle it up and pretend it’s not there.
3. You’ve got to hope your abuser is able to grow up and become a good person someday.
Actually, you don’t have to do this at all. You could hope that they get what they deserve and that someone hurts them like they hurt you if you truly want to. Sure, being the bigger person is a good idea but not everyone is able to wish someone well who has done so much harm to them. Whatever you feel towards this person is valid and if you hate their guts then well, you hate their guts.
4. It’s partially my fault for not leaving sooner.
I’ve heard a lot of people say through the years that they feel like their abuse is partially their own fault because they did not leave sooner and well, that’s bull. It’s not your fault because you were being manipulated to stay. While you found the strength to leave in the end, you had to go through what you did to find it. Sure, a lot of people will try to push you to accept this partial blame so that you can let go of some of the pain but that’s not for everyone. At the end of the day, you were a victim and now you’re a survivor, period.
5. You have to remain single for a few years before getting into something else.
Sure, you do need to be single for a while so that you can heal and figure out what you want and do not want in life and in love but you shouldn’t close yourself off from something real. If someone comes into your life, and they’re actually good for you, embrace it. We all heal, mourn, and go through this process at our own paces and for some, that is much quicker than it is for others.