When we go through a breakup we experience a lot of different emotions. While it might not hit you at first, the more time that passes the more you will grieve.
There is nothing wrong with grieving your lost relationship regardless of the reasons why it ended. We all address different issues in our own ways and sometimes moving on is the best option. Below I am going to go over the phases of distress that typically follow a breakup, while some of these phases might be more intense or less intense for you they are all important.
The 9 Phases Of Distress Most Face After A Breakup:
Phase 1: Shock
To begin with, once the denial has faded and things are hitting you, you will be in shock. You will be wondering how this could have happened and whether or not it is actually legit. The idea of this whole thing being some kind of sick joke will be stuck in your mind. This is a very frantic point in the breakup and can be quite exhausting.
Phase 2: Questioning Everything
After you’re beginning to settle down a bit you will be unable to quiet your mind. For days on end, you will be questioning things. Did he/she ever love me? What was wrong with me? How can I make this all go away? While going back might not be an option, you cannot see it just yet.
At this point, you’ve been apart for at least a week or so now. You’re moving through life as if nothing matters and feel quite out of it. During this point in the process, you will most likely spend a lot of time in bed or a lot of time trying to make other people think you’re okay. You just do not want to accept that you’re not together with this person anymore and accepting it will take a lot more time.
Phase 4: Making Yourself Known
While not ideal, chances are you will try to win this person back. You will do something to make your love for him/her known and try to move forth from there. This is not the most flattering point in the process but it does make a difference in how things end up playing out. Whether you get back together or not, you find a bit of closure you might not have realized you needed.
Phase 5: Fighting For Lost Love
It will take a while to really let go of the love that you lost. You will fight for it for as long as you feel is necessary and for some that is far longer than it should be. This kind of thing is very taxing emotionally and leaves you in a place of great vulnerability.
Phase 6: Missing What Once Was
Now that you’ve finally accepted that this person is not interested in you anymore you will really begin to miss what you had before. You will think about this person a lot and compare everyone who tries to enter your life to him or her. While hard to overcome this phase is one of the most important.
Phase 7: Fear of Being Alone
After a little while longer you will realize that being alone is something that scares the literal crap out of you. You might not have the person you want but jumping into something with someone else seems enticing. This stage is the one that you need to work through the most, overcoming that fear of being alone is a lot harder than you think.
Accepting that you are enough in general and learning that you can be happy without a partner is hard. During the time that you’re working to accept this and the fact that this person is just not the one for you, you will experience a lot of pain and emotions that have not been dealt with. This is where all the baggage you’re carrying really takes the forefront.
Phase 9: Moving Forth
Moving on is a point that will come in time. While this point will not come overnight and will be hard, it is going to bring forth a lot of uncomfortable moments. Getting back out there and really putting your emotional side out there for another person to experience is never going to be easy.
That being said, once you’ve found someone worth moving forth with, things will become much easier. Love is not as simple as many make it out to be. There is a lot that goes into overcoming a breakup and the pain that comes with it, remain as strong as possible and just be yourself.