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It can be disappointing when you have tried to find love for a long time, but continue to come up short. While being single has a myriad of benefits, I don’t believe anyone sets out to be single forever.

love In turn, after a while of being single, many ask themselves, “Why am I not finding love?” And answering this question can seem even more difficult. For the most part, we all want someone to spend our life with. Unfortunately, when we venture down the path to finding love, we don’t always go about it the right way.

For those looking to balance their expectations in love, “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo offers a humorous yet honest look at maintaining realistic standards.

If you have found yourself struggling to find love, and feel lost as to what could be causing this, then you need to check out these 7 reasons why you haven’t found love yet.

1. You are too desperate.

I don’t mean for this to come off in the wrong way, so hear me out: when you come off as needy or clingy immediately in a connection, people can sense that and it makes them uncomfortable. Please don’t mistake wanting someone for needing them.

2. Your standards are impossible to reach.

It’s healthy to have standards about the people you choose to have in your life. But, when those standards become unreachable, they also become counterproductive. If every possible suitor that comes along isn’t coming up to standard, you may need to reassess your standards.

3. You haven’t worked on yourself.

More often than not, when I hear someone who is trying to find love and coming up short, the reason is tied to the fact that they still have issues they haven’t worked through. Regardless of what those issues are, it’s okay to admit that there is something you need to work on and actively try to grow.

4. You go after emotionally unavailable people.

If you continue to find yourself in ‘almost relationships,’ then it’s likely the type of person you are seeking out is the problem. No matter how much you love someone or want them to be the ‘right’ one, if someone is emotionally unavailable when you meet them, it isn’t likely that this will change. Seek out people who are aligned with you on what you want from a connection.

To delve into personal emotional barriers and learn to open up, “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead” by Brené Brown is an empowering read.

5. You don’t love yourself.

It may sound cliché’ but self-love is important. If you don’t love yourself and value yourself, you are emanating a whole vibe that will show that. If you are struggling to find love, it’s likely because you haven’t given yourself the love you want to receive from others.

6. You are emotionally unavailable.

A lot of times, people are emotionally unavailable and don’t even realize it. They may believe they want to be in a relationship, but when it comes down to it, they aren’t emotionally showing up to their relationships and connections.

7. You aren’t putting yourself out there.

Much like anything else in life, if you want to find love, you have to put yourself out there. You cannot sit at home and say, “I am ready to find love,” and then not communicate with new suitors or go out to meet new people.

For those who need a nudge to step into the dating world, “Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: The Exercise Book for your Personal Growth” by Sascha Ballach offers practical exercises to help you take those important steps towards meeting new people and experiencing new opportunities.