Skip to main content

To be completely honest, about half of the people you’re ‘friends’ with are actually your friends. Most of them will leave you when you need them the most and not care when you’re going through something all the while expecting you to be there for them. Sure, you can say that your friends all you want but if things aren’t followed through then words mean nothing.

According to NY Times, there is actually even a study on friendship and how many of our friends are actually ‘friends.’ This study titled “Are You Your Friends’, Friend? Poor Perception of Friendship Ties Limits the Ability To Promote Behavioral Change” and it noted that many of our friends don’t think of us as friends. When looking at almost 100 different people after ranking everyone down the line it seems only about 53 percent of those who felt they were friends were actually friends. This meaning at least half of the friendships people thought they had were one-sided at best.

According to Mr. Alex Pentland, a researcher at MIT and co-author of the study mentioned this has to do with the ways in which friendships can challenge a person’s self-image. However, there is a lot to this whole ordeal that we do not yet comprehend. Sure, friendship is hard but is it ‘that hard?’ At the end of the day that over fifty percent chose to do things differently and perhaps we will never know why.

Below I am going to go over a list of things that make up a real friend. If someone isn’t willing to do these things or support you in the ways you support them, they’re not real friends. You should always be careful about the people you spend time with. When you find a real friend, you should show your appreciation and work to create a bond that cannot be broken.

15 Signs Your Friend Is A True One:

1. They are forgiving and know we all make mistakes.

When you do something stupid rather than cutting ties with you and giving up on you they forgive you. While there are limits to this we all have to be aware that sometimes in life we make mistakes and that’s okay. Even the best people have their bad moments.

2. They know when to give you space.

When you need your space they give it to you. They don’t push you too hard or make you do too much. They know when to let you just process things on your own.

3. They have your best interests at heart.

Rather than wanting to hurt you or use you, they want to help you grow and actually be a friend to you. They help you through rough times and make sure you have what you need. You’re both on the same page in regards and it shows in the ways you both carry out your actions.

4. When you’re sick or sad, they comfort you.

Friends comfort one another and when one is sick or hurting overall the other is there. You’re both able to go to one another when things are hard for you. It’s the ultimate support system and one that you both deserve.

5. They make an effort to spend time with you or check in on you.

Real friends will make an effort to spend time with you or at least check on you. Rather than ignoring you until they want to hang out, they will call to see how you’re doing and so forth. You are both in contact when it counts.

6. They’re not afraid to call you out when you’re wrong.

When you make a mistake or do something wrong they are not going to be the kinds of people to make you think it’s all fine and dandy. They make you see what is happening and work to help you understand it. While they might be nice about it, they don’t let it go unnoticed.

7. They build you up instead of breaking you down.

Rather than making you feel bad about yourself or saying mean things they are kind and compassionate with you. You’re both able to support one another and show your caring sides. This isn’t something you get with everyone and it should be appreciated big time.

8. You’re both able to spend time with the people who matter to each of you.

When you’re together you don’t just have to be alone together. You are comfortable around their friends and family in the same way they are comfortable around your friends and family. You’re not a serious part of one another’s lives.

9. They speak well of you to the people they come in contact with.

When someone brings you up in conversation a true friend will have nothing but nice things to say. They won’t talk badly about you behind your back or complain to others. If they have something they need to discuss with you or about you they will come to you over it, period.

10. They tell you the truth when no one else will.

When everyone else is lying and sugar coating things, true friends will not. They will be willing to tell you the things that are hard for you to hear. If you need to be made aware of something they will not hold back.

11. When you make plans with one another you both follow through.

You both spend time with each other when planned. Rather than flaking last minute because something better came up you both enjoy each other’s presence. You’re on the same page and content with your friendship as a whole.

12. You both like spending time with one another.

The more time you spend with each other the more time you want to spend together. You are both able to talk about anything and really get along well. It’s like you’re connected in a way that might not make sense to other people.

13. You don’t gossip about one another.

Gossip isn’t part of the dynamic you two have. You both talk well of one another and don’t spread rumors to bring each other down. You’d be surprised how common it is for ‘friends’ to gossip about one another.

14. You know they will be there to listen when you call.

When you need someone to talk to they are there for you. You can call them up in the middle of the night and you know they will answer. You are able to really rely on each other in ways you cannot rely on other people.

15. You keep each other’s secrets.

The bond you two have is one that you can really go far with. You have a sense of trust that is not breakable and you can tell one another anything. Your secrets are truly safe in each other’s hands.


NY Times – friendship