Relationships are all about the give and take, but more often than not that is just not the case. If you are a naturally loving and affectionate person, you might find yourself giving more than your partner. Does this sound like you?
You might not even think about it because of your thoughtful and accommodating nature. You are just there for your partner whenever they need you, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Unfortunately, being super giving can and usually does backfire on people like this, because you might find that your partner isn’t giving you as much in return.
Putting more effort than the other person can start to cause real problems in relationships. However, according to relationship experts, a balanced relationship never equals 50/50. Why? Love and relationship coach, Emyrald Sinclaire told Bustle that, “Often times one partner will give more than they receive. But on the flip side, you’ll receive more than you give when you need it.” There will always be times when one partner needs to give more than the other.
However, there are times when it will start to become a real problem. These are the signs that you need to look out for.
You start to feel stuck in the relationship and it is beginning to hold you back
A relationship is meant to fulfill the needs of both partners; love and being loved. But some relationships will make you feel lonely even when you are directly by the person you are with. You begin to let your partner depend on you so much that you rush to their side every time they need you, no matter how small the issue is. Then when you need something, they have excuses or lies to give you.
You no longer feel like yourself
If you are compromising on issues such as whether or not to go to the gym or how often you should hang out with your friends without your partner, you might be giving too much. You had a lot of interests and people that you love and now you might start to find yourself with none of those things. In the process of being a people pleaser you might have sacrificed all of the things that were once important to you.
You find yourself constantly trying to justify your worth even when it should be obvious
You might find yourself constantly in your head about how much you are doing for your partner or how often you are there to hold things together. Anytime you have to justify your worth to anchor your own value, your relationship is seriously out of balance.
You feel guilty when you have to say no to your partner
Most people say no at least 5 times a day without ever having to say sorry or feel bad about it. It shows that you acknowledge your own needs and you are willing to stand up for yourself. But sometimes in relationships you might find that you feel forced to do things for your partner or that your partner makes you feel guilty for not wanting to do something even when you are uncomfortable with it. This can really start to suck out your energy and emotional strength.
Your partner doesn’t make you a priority or integrate you into their lives
You are a loving and caring person who tries to put as much effort into making your partner feel special as you can. However, you find that your partner is not making you a priority in their life. They do not make an effort to introduce you to the important people in their lives even if you have been together for a long time. They don’t act like they care about your thoughts and opinions or they halfway listen when you are trying to talk.
You are Mr/Mrs. Fix it
If you are doing all of the emotional work, and the actual work around the house then something is wrong. An emotionally immature partner will expect you to do everything for them. You will have to ask them numerous times to do something, and if they do it, they will do so grudgingly and will try to make you feel as guilty as possible.
You aren’t getting what you want
The cold, hard truth about life is that you don’t always get the things that you want. But if you are constantly not satisfied in your relationship, or if your partner is ruling over everything, you are probably compromising too much of yourself.
You are tired both emotionally and physically
You look tired. You feel tired. No matter how much you sleep, you just cannot shake this feeling of exhaustion. Not only are you physically tired, but emotionally you are just exhausted. You cannot rest your way out of emotional exhaustion! But you will probably try.
You are afraid to say anything about your feelings to your partner, because you fear they will unplug completely from your relationship.
When someone really loves you they will never walk away. If the power dynamic in your relationship is that out of whack that you are scared to talk to your partner, then there is something seriously wrong.
You will start to resent your partner
If you don’t realize how much you are compromising in your relationship, you could end up feeling angry or even resentful towards your partner. And, the truth is, resentment is much like a poison to the psyche that will continue to erode your own confidence in having your needs met and feeling respected and honored. If you are annoyed or frustrated with your partner and cannot understand why, then you are compromising too much.
Please remember that your relationship should be about give and take. Your emotional and physical needs are important and it is never worth compromising your emotional stability. Talk to your partner and let them know how you feel, and if they care they will be there to help you work through the problems that have arisen.