While there is no truly right or wrong way to parent within reason, narcissistic parents do serious damage to their kids. As we grow up realizing that we grew up with one or two narcissistic parents can be very hard on us and so is dealing with the trauma left behind.
Healing from a narcissistic parent is not easy but it is something we are all capable of and should work towards doing. When it comes to healing from this kind of thing you must first realize that the things you’ve gone through are not normal for everyone. You need to be willing to recognize the narcissistic behaviors in those you thought were supposed to care for you and from there really connect the dots.
Once you’ve done that you can make strides to really better yourself and get back to normal or as normal as is possible. Moving forward won’t be easy but accepting and releasing what you’ve experienced will help you work through the anger you’re feeling. While growing up you may have thought it was your fault that your parent(s) were acting as they were but now as an adult, you should be able to see things more properly.
From here you will be capable of growing and breaking the cycle. You can forgive your narcissist for what they’ve done but that doesn’t mean you have to keep them close. You can cut them out of your life if you think that is what’s best for you or limit contact drastically if need be. At the end of the day, you need to be sure you’re doing what is best for you.
Psychology Today wrote as follows on how to heal from this kind of thing:
If you seek healing from the neglect and trauma of being raised by one or more narcissistic parents, the first step will be to explore your actual developmental history. It is important to note that even if your parents are living and sound of mind, they will likely be of little assistance. Having paid scant attention to your needs, they will produce a highly distorted picture of events, if they even remember them. Therefore, this is where the support of a competent, experienced therapist can be of great value as you identify and confront your actual history of trauma and neglect.
It will probably be necessary for you to relinquish any expectation that your parents will acknowledge any part in your difficulties or change their behavior in any appreciable way. Owing to their need to distort or disavow deflating truths and to turn away from honest self-evaluation (Peck, 1983), their version of events will be dramatically different from your own. But healing will inhere as you begin to dissent from internalized parental invalidation and take ownership of difficulties developed in response to very real childhood neglect. When provided emotional regulation tools, and through modeling of self-compassion absent during childhood, psychotherapy can be enormously beneficial in helping resolve the conflicts naturally resulting from childhood trauma. In turn, you will become a more available, loving parent and role model to your own children.
To learn more about how to heal from a narcissistic parent take a look at the video below. While this concept is confusing it is important to dive into. From here you can really learn a lot about what you’ve gone through and where you’re headed in life. Healing isn’t easy but you can do it.