We hear a lot about how we should all move on from the narcissist in our lives if we have one present but that in itself is not as easy as most would assume. You cannot judge someone based on the things they’re facing in their lives or how they are dealing with them, period.
Once you finally find the power within to leave your narcissist, things are not just cut and dry. You’re still going to miss your narcissist even if you shouldn’t and life, as you move forth to recover, is not as easy as most want to make it out to be. A lot of people are going to tell you to just ‘get over it’ and well, that’s just not as simple as most want to make it out to be.
Now, when it comes to recovering to begin with you should look at how things ended, did your narcissist just jump ship or did you decide to end things on your own. That matters, if your narcissist just disappeared, you’re likely going to have a lot of ‘what ifs’ come up in your mind. This is normal and is all a part of the healing process.
Because of the things you’ve experienced with that narcissist you don’t view other people as you once did. You see people who are trying to be kind to you and help care for you as potentially trying to use you or hurt you in the long-run and moving forward past that is complicated at best. You struggle with trusting others and really facing the issues within day by day.
All of that having been said, you are also working hard to find yourself again. That is not something that anyone should take lightly and it means you have to do a lot of soul searching. Growing yourself as a person is crucial and well, it’s something that takes a lot of time.
You will go through a lot and may even find that it’s hard to place blame where the blame should be placed. You may find yourself being far harder than you should on yourself as a whole and that isn’t something you should allow to continue. Understanding that the things this person did to you were not your fault and that you were a victim is important. From here you can work to find your strength within and really further grow your own self-image in a positive light.
Your heart might still yearn for this person but your mind knows that they are no good for you. This internal conflict will go on for a while and I can honestly say that time heals all. Yes, even your narcissist may have had his or her good moments but knowing that those mere decent moments do not outweigh the bad will help you push through and keep contact cut properly.
There is nothing you could have done to make things play out any differently and just because this person doesn’t seem to be hurting his or her new love in the ways that he or she did you does not mean you were not as good as that new person. You deserve better and that in itself is the truth, period. You will someday find someone who is able to be there for you properly who cares about you in all the ways that your narcissist should have. As complicated as moving on and growing away from the situations you’ve been through might seem, you can do it and you deserve to really end up as happy as you’ve always wanted to be.