While you might think you want an apology from your narcissist, I guarantee you don’t. The apologies narcissists offer us are not worth our time or energy.
When a narcissist says he or she is sorry, they don’t mean that they are sorry for hurting you or that they regret what they’ve done, they mean they’re sorry they got caught and sorry that they have to pretend to care about the pain they’ve caused to get you back under their wings. They don’t feel bad for the things they’ve done, their apologies are empty and honestly, you shouldn’t bother trying to gain them.
PsychCentral wrote as follows about the narcissist’s apology:
Do not be fooled by a narcissist’s apology. Realize that the relationship is no different than it was before the apology – you just now have more confusion on your plate (think, “cognitive dissonance”). You believe that maybe he means he’s sorry or that he won’t do whatever it was he did again. But, rest assured, the narcissist uses an apology as part of the “cycle of abuse.”
Real apologies are not something you will ever get from a narcissist because in the eyes of the narcissist they have done nothing wrong. They just want you off of their case and if saying sorry does that they will say it all the while never following through with the things they should. I know this is hard to accept but it is important to be aware of.
They say they’re sorry as a means of pushing you to get over something. It is manipulation and you shouldn’t let them get away with saying things they do not mean and speaking without backing it up by their actions. Sometimes cutting ties and moving on without getting the closure you might want is the best option for you.
To learn more about the empty apologies narcissists offer us take a look at the video below. It might not be easy to accept these things but it is important that you do. Things are sometimes not what they seem. If someone is saying they are sorry but not actually proving that with their actions, stop wasting your time on them. You deserve better.
Narcissists aren’t the kinds of people who can change overnight and if they don’t see their wrongdoings they’re not going to care enough to change. Know your worth, period.