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Many companies do a great job of coming up with slogans or other things for their products but some of them seem to really miss the mark in regards to being realistic. While they might reflect the product as a whole they don’t reflect the most known or important aspects of it in ways that some of us think they should.

I recently came across a Reddit thread that highlighted this and allowed Redditors to break down different brands/products in their own ways and come up with slogans for them that in all reality had me dying from laughter. This thread was/is titled “If companies had realistic slogans what would they be?” and has over nine thousand comment responses. While it’s quite a few years old the slogans some Redditors were able to come up with are well worth sharing with others.

Below I am going to add in a list of my favorites. Which ones do you find the most accurate? After reading over these, see what you can come up with on your own as well.

If Companies Had Realistic Slogans, What Would They Be?:

Adobe: An update is available.

(There is always an update available for Adobe, or so it seems.)

Carnival Cruise: OH COME ON. What are the chances something will happen this time?

Dasani: Italian for “Coke just sold you water.”

TAMPAX: We may not be #1, but we’re up there.

Motel 6: We will leave the lights on for you because we are in a dangerous f*cking neighborhood!

Hot Pockets: A different temperature every bite.

(Some so hot you scald yourself and others, still frozen.)

Febreeze: Making your restrooms smell like flowers AND shit.

Facebook: We know more about you than you do.

Google: We also know more about you than you do.

Axe: Smell like a sixth-grader.

(Even at 46 smelling like a sixth-grader is a wonderful thing, right?)

Preparation H: Helping assholes everywhere.


Lowes – We have materials, you have hands.

Comcast – Because you have no other choice.

Ritz Crackers – Edible Plates.


Bud Light: For when you care less about your taste buds than your liver.

Applebee’s: We figured out a way to f**k up salad. Or, Applebee’s: For when you’re too lazy to prepare your own frozen food.

Youtube: Don’t read the comments.

(Of course, never read the comments.)

Pabst Blue Ribbon: Tag us on Instagram. Credit reports are already free, but don’t let our name fool you, this one really isn’t.

Ed Hardy: Made for douchebags, by Malaysian children.

Costco: When you’re not sure what you want, but you know you want a LOT of it. 

Taco Bell – Where else can you get gas for $1.50?

(Nowhere else, that’s where.)

Internet Explorer: Your number 1 browser for downloading other browsers.

Honda: This car does not die. We’ve tried.

(So true, Honda’s are literally seemingly immortal when it comes to most things.)

Walmart: Home of 53 registers, with only 3 open!

Walmart: Wal-Mart: We slave, you save.

(Only 1 register is ever open at a time here outside the self-check.)

Subway: Tricking you into high-calorie meals for years.

BP: Lol, our bad.

How would you feel if these were actually the slogans for those companies? I personally think it might work wonders for a few of them. This just goes to show, many of us are noticing the same things about different brands. If you had to pick a top three from this list which ones would you choose?

For more humor regarding different brands and how fake they can come across please take a peek at the video below. Food in commercials almost never turns out like you’d expect it to once it’s in your lap. I guess in the end we’re all just a little more disappointed than we’d like to admit.