Skip to main content

As I move forth in the new year and the new decade itself you will not be coming with me. You are one of the people I will be leaving behind in 2019 and with that, I can only hope to better myself drastically.

You were once very important to me but you never bothered to give me the time and efforts that I gave to you. While you might not understand it, in time things will become clear. Your place in my story has come to an end and as this new chapter unfolds, I can only hope to grow away from you and more into myself.

While I do not owe you any kind of explanation getting this all out and letting it sink in properly is something I felt I needed to do for myself. Like many others in this world, I have been brought down for far too long. I am finally beginning to see my worth and with you by my side, I will never be able to grow into the person I am meant to be.

Now is the time that I have been waiting for. I’ve finally built myself back up to the point where moving forward is something I am capable of and I will not let you stop me. I am going to follow my dreams and this time I will not let you weasel your way back into my heart.

While it has taken me a long time to get to the place where I currently am, this time you’re not coming back. I am going to find myself no matter how long it takes and even though you know all of my secrets, pretty soon you will be nothing more than a stranger. A face with no more meaning to me.

That all having been said, I am thankful for the lessons I learned through allowing you to destroy all the hope I once had. From here I can create a new canvas for my own world and nourish myself properly. There is nowhere else to go but up, and I am going to bloom into the tallest flower whether you like it or not.

Don’t bother calling, texting, writing, or even showing up at my door. You will no longer be able to find the person you thought you had control over. The pieces of me that you left broken will be repaired and I will move on. For me, 2020 is going to be the best year of my life, and I am going to make sure of that.

It is going to be a year of changes, challenges, and opportunities that I could have never made possible with you in my life. You might be upset or angry at first with my decision to move on but in time you will find someone else and hopefully grow up some in your own mind. I don’t blame you for the things you’ve put me through, I blame myself for allowing you to put me through them.

Back then I didn’t see the things I see now, I was blinded by my infatuation for you and always tried my best to make the most of the worst situations. Now I am turning those bad situations into good situations and relearning to love myself all over again.

I wish I could tell you all of these things properly but face to face isn’t something I think will help either of us. It’s a very hard feeling to overcome, the love you have for someone who has done so many terrible things to you. Being with you was killing me and I want to live. I want to make the most of the years I have left in this world and find something I have a passion for.

I want to explore, achieve, and be me again. I deserve to wake up feeling like the world around me is something I am safe within and I deserve to be content with the people around me. Walking on eggshells is something I have outgrown and your mask is no longer something you can use against me.

I wish with all of my heart that things could have worked, but they never would and never will. You never truly saw the things in yourself that I saw in you and while you pretended to try, you never actually did. Isn’t it crazy how you can spend so much of your life trying to fit your puzzle pieces into the life of someone else only to walk away and somehow that be the right decision? I guess in the end the universe really does have everything all planned out for each of us.

You will be fine without me, that is something I am sure of. However, I know you will try to beat my happiness down once I find it. Please know that in the end, there was nothing that could have ever been done to change this outcome. We were the wrong people for one another and nothing can make that any different.

Even now, after all, that has happened I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you become a better version of yourself and that someday you treat someone in the ways that I treated you. I hope you find a love that completes you in the ways you tried to force ours to be but healthy and no longer toxic.

Here’s to a 2020 full of transformation, may you grow into the person I know you could be. I cannot wait to see the things lining up before me as this decade begins and for once I am excited about moving forward. While I will not forget you, I am finally ready to forgive you and get on with my life.

For anyone going through something similar, take the time to listen to the words in the song below. Sometimes love isn’t what we hoped for it to be and it’s alright to move on. Sometimes you have to let go before you can love yourself and the more you grow the more you will realize that. You deserve the world, go out and make it yours.