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Narcissists are not the most emotionally sound or supportive individuals. So, when they become parents, you can only imagine the turmoil they put their kids through.

First, let’s get one thing clear: children, especially infants, are dependent on their parents for emotional support and their development. The brain of a child develops through communication, affection, and support given by their parents. Children that are severely neglected often end up missing developmental milestones and have a variety of problems that face throughout their lives.

It has been said through the attachment theory that during the earliest days of our lives, how our mother bonds and attaches to us can determine how able we are to connect with others. When our mother has a healthy attachment and bond with us, we can easily bond and attach to others throughout our lives. But, when our mother leaves us to cry for hours, feels no emotional bond with us, and simply rolls through the motions of being a parent, all the while being emotionally not present, we end up with attachment issues.

For some, an attachment issue may be insecure, in which the person clings to anyone that gives them affection, all the while lacking boundaries and being severely afraid of being abandoned. In other cases, people become avoidant and push everyone away altogether. And then some are a mixture of both.

The thing is, a narcissist is not able to fully bond with anyone because they will always put themselves first. It’s not that a narcissist is incapable of love, but they are incapable of loving anyone more than they love themselves. And when it comes to being a parent, that is a prerequisite. In many cases, narcissists are very superficial and cannot deeply connect to anyone. And this can make bonding with a child impossible.

In a very interesting and highly-suggested video, Patrick Teahan LICSW explains his views on this theory, and I highly suggest it. I will link it down below.