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As a parent, I want nothing more than to raise a happy, healthy, successful, and resilient human being. That might sound like a lot, but, when it comes down to it, it is possible with the right parenting style.

Part of how we parent is in the words that we use. The way we speak to our kids becomes their inner voice, and the way that we treat them becomes how they treat themselves. When we are too lenient, they become dependent, and when we are neglectful, they neglect themselves. There is a line in the sand. Words have power. When you are constantly saying the wrong things to your kids, those words sink into their spirit.

And while it might sound dramatic, those words create the framework for who they become. Parenting expert Margot Machol Bisnow carried out quite a bit of research for her book, ‘Raising an Entrepreneur’ and spoke with 70 parents who raised highly successful adults. In her research, she found four key phrases that these parents did NOT use while their kids were growing up. I have listed them below and her comments.

1. “I don’t trust you, so I reviewed your homework and fixed the mistakes for you.”

If you want to raise someone successful, you need to allow them to fail on their own and encourage and support them, no matter what. John Arrow, who dropped out of college before graduation to start Mutual Mobile, a company that generated $200 million in revenue, knows all about this and so do his parents. Even when he was in 5th grade and sold out the school newspaper only to get in trouble for their lack of fact-checking, his parents told him to fix his mistakes and laughed it off and supported him anyway. “Knowing my parents would support me, even when an authority was against me, made me double down and work harder to show them they were right to believe in me,” John said.

2. “We’re increasing your allowance, so you can buy whatever you want.”

The parents that Bisnow spoke to came from a wide range of financial situations, and despite that, they emphasized the importance of teaching kids about money. Rather than just handing it to them, they made their children work for what they had.

3. “No after-school activities until your grades improve.”

While not all of the parents she spoke to understood their children’s passions, they still made sure they had the time to explore them more in-depth. Among those she observed, some kids did well in school and took part in their passions, while others were consumed with their passions and let school fall behind. In both circumstances, their parents were supportive.

4. “I’ll give you money if you get good grades.”

She says the major takeaway she got was that none of the parents ever taught their kids that the goal was to be rice. Instead, the goal was always to succeed and to do what they love. In turn, they ended up with a sense of purpose and wanted to make a real difference in the world.