I know, when it comes to leaving a love whether it was toxic or not, things are never easy, and being left is just as hard. When it comes to being on your own after so long, getting back to normal is hard but it’s something we are capable of.
While I might not always come across as making progress, each day is a step towards finding the parts of myself you forced me to lose. I don’t need you to come back into my life and I don’t need you to make things right. I can do this on my own, even if I fall a thousand times along my path.
Sure, the world might be against me right now but in the end, I will find myself. I will hold my head up high and with each moment I will take more and more control back. Finding who I am without you isn’t going to be easy and I knew that from the very start or well, end. I knew that really getting back to where I was before wouldn’t be possible but even now, when I miss you more than anyone else, I know I am better off without you.
I know you do not belong in my life and I know that instead of giving in I need to hold my own. You hurt me a lot and we were not meant to be. All we did was beat one another down and in the end, this long road you led me to, is the one I am meant to walk down. I might get tired of fighting for the truth and racing to get to where I want to be but I will not give up.
I am stronger for having experienced you and while you might try to win me over, that isn’t possible anymore. I am my own person and I know things will be just fine without you. Sure, sometimes I’m tempted to give in but that’s not something I’m willing to do anymore.
Yes, I carry a lot of pain with me and there are a lot of things I still need to work on but I feel more myself now than I ever have and that is more reassuring than anything you could ever offer. I like who I see in the mirror and I appreciate each moment before me. I am living my own life and making my own choices.
I know, your leaving was hard for me to swallow but now I wouldn’t change anything. I wish you well, despite what we went through together, and at the core of it all, I know you are working on things as well. You didn’t really love me, and I was trapped for far too long.
I put too much value in your words and opinions. I tried to turn myself into someone you wanted and in the end, that didn’t get me anywhere. Now that I see through the smoke, I see where I am headed and it’s a beautiful place full of so much power. While I went through a lot to get where I am, it was all to shape me into who I am right now in this moment.
I have a lot left to learn and so do you, maybe someday we can at least be on good terms but right now, we need to be away from one another so that we can both really figure out what it is we want. I dealt with a lot of regrets for the longest time, but I am done with that now. Things are not always what they seem and as the days pass, that becomes more and more apparent to me.
Life is crazy and you never know what hand you’re going to be dealt. Things get better and I am going to do my best to find myself without you. I deserve at least that much before I finally settle down properly. Maybe when I find myself, I will understand more why we ended up the way we did but for now, I am content.
Of course, I have my rough points and sometimes I feel pretty damn empty but it’s all for a reason. These feelings are going to help me grow and as I grow, I will become unstoppable. Quit looking back, because I already have.