Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which one person works to undermine another person’s sanity for manipulative purposes. Unfortunately, this is commonplace in relationships where a toxic abuser is present, and even worse, it’s not always easy to spot.
Being gaslighted is an awful feeling. There’s nothing scarier than being made to believe that you are ‘crazy,’ when you truly are not. The term ‘gaslighting’ was coined in 1944 in the movie Gaslight, which is about a man who drives his wife into believing she has lost her mind. Oftentimes, this form of manipulation is so strategic, that the person experiencing it may believe they have lost their mind. While it may sound far-fetched, this type of abuse can psychologically damage the receiver of the abuse.
If you believe your partner may be gaslighting you, check out these 4 red flags.
1. They are constantly lying.
A gaslighter will constantly lie to you. When you catch them lying, they will swear they never said or done the thing you’ve caught them in. Oftentimes, they will lie about things that make no sense (blatant lies) just to keep you confused. They want you to always be caught off guard.
2. They deny, even in the face of truth.
When you show them proof of their lies or deceit, they will tell you that you are crazy. Even if you have a photographic memory, that is never otherwise questioned-it will make you question your account of things. The scary thing is, that over time, they are liable to break you, which can lead to a loss of sanity.
3. They wear you down over time.
Gaslighters will work slowly over time. In the beginning, they might make comments, “You are so crazy, you know that?” and they may joke. Then, later, they will start telling others how crazy you are. Then, they will do something awful, and when you call them out, they will say “I never did that-you are losing your marbles.”
4. They cycle between idealization and devaluation to keep you confused.
Gaslighters will start by love-bombing you. They will go above and beyond to make you feel special and loved. Then, once they have you, they will slowly make a dark turn. Suddenly, they are tearing you down, calling you crazy, too sensitive, etc., etc. Then, the emotional abuse will steadily increase. However, they will squeeze in sweet moments, and in those moments, you will think: “They aren’t as bad as I thought. Maybe it is me.” However, it most certainly is NOT you.