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If you’ve ever been used, then you know how painful of a feeling that can be. And while the signs may be all around you, it can be difficult to make yourself see them, especially if you are in love.

With that being said, when you start to pick up on what’s happening, it can feel like glass shattering right in front of you. After that, you can no longer see it any other way. While it may be hard to come to terms with someone using you, it is most definitely for the best, so you can put it to a stop and find peace. If you are struggling to see the signs, these are 9 clear signs that your partner is using you.

1. Everything is always about them.

When you are talking to them, they never ask how you are, or how you feel. They only seem to care about themselves and are the center of attention all the time.

Take some time to reflect on your relationship objectively. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help clarify the situation. A journal dedicated to exploring your relationship dynamics, such as “The Relationship Journal,” can be a helpful tool for this purpose.

2. They let you cover all of the expenses, all the time.

When you go out, they never offer to pick up the check or help in any way. And while you may not expect them to, it bothers you that they never try to return the favor. It’s like they expect you to cover everything all the time.

3. They don’t seem interested in you at all.

When you are together, they don’t pay attention to you at all. They play on their phone, talk to other people, or ignore you entirely.

Learning to set and enforce healthy boundaries is crucial for your well-being. “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life” by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend offers practical advice on establishing boundaries that protect your emotional health.

4. But when they want something, you have their full attention.

But, when they want something, they put everything to the side and give you their full attention. At least, until they get what they want.

5. They cross your boundaries, frequently.

When you try to set boundaries, they completely run over them. And when you tell them they are crossing your boundaries, they don’t care, or ignore you entirely.

6. They don’t appreciate you at all.

And they never say thank you, or ‘I appreciate you,’ or show any sort of gratitude for anything you do for them. And they never seem to stop running out of things to ask you for, or things you can do for them.

7. They always want something from you.

They only call when they want something from you. And they call all the time asking for things, or ask for them in person. It seems like the only time they have an interest in you at all, is when you have something to offer them.

Understanding the dynamics of manipulation can empower you to recognize and resist such behaviors in the future. In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People” by Dr. George K. Simon provides insights into manipulative tactics and strategies for dealing with them.

8. The relationship feels one-sided.

The relationship feels one-sided, and it’s lopsided in the way that you are the only one who is putting any effort in. And while you don’t mind helping them out, it’s beginning to feel like that’s the only purpose you serve.

9. They act entitled.

When you do things for them, they act as though they expect it, or deserve it in some way. They don’t act humbled at all or show any appreciation, and when you don’t do what they want, they get upset and angry at you.

Being used can take a toll on your self-esteem. Activities and resources that focus on building confidence, such as The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance—What Women Should Know” by Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, can be beneficial in regaining your sense of self-worth.