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Most cheaters would like to think that they are good at covering their bad behaviors. Of course, many are, because we often do not know what signs to look for. But with the right knowledge and tools, like the book “The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, you can understand the underlying causes and signs of cheating.

Being cheated on is a painful experience I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. It hurts. It feels like someone ripped out your heart and stomped on it. To help heal and move forward, consider diving into Healing from Infidelity: The Divorce Busting® Guide to Rebuilding Your Marriage After an Affair.

If you are beginning to have a bad feeling that your partner is cheating, and feel like you are missing something, look out for the following behaviors:

1. Flirting

When someone begins cheating, they may seem detached. This is because they are at odds with themselves about their behavior. So, they may pull back from you to feel better. Reading Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love can give you insight into emotional disconnection in relationships.

2. Lying

Before catching a cheater in the act, most people report noticing lies. Even lies about stupid things can indicate a cheater. The thing is, while everyone lies sometimes, pathological lying is linked to cheating.

3. Overly jealous.

Is your partner suddenly super jealous? Perhaps they are suddenly accusing YOU of cheating. Most cheaters tend to project their behavior onto their partners to justify their wrongdoing.

4. Picking fights.

Cheaters will try to find a way to rationalize their behavior, by making themselves feel like they are the problem. In turn, they will likely find stupid reasons to be mad at you, and will even fabricate stories in their mind in order to start a fight.

5. Detachment.

When someone begins cheating, they may seem detached. This is because they are at odds with themselves about their behavior. So, they may pull back from you to feel better.

6. They need ‘privacy.’

When a partner suddenly demands more privacy for no reason, it’s a bad sign. For example, if your partner has always been cool with you looking at their phone, but now their password has changed, then they are probably hiding something.

7. Excessive defensiveness.

People who are doing wrong will get defensive. They may feel like you are accusing them of something because deep down they feel guilty. Why Did You Do That?: The Psychology of Human Behavior is a great resource to delve deeper into understanding human reactions.

8. Attitude changes.

Pay attention to your partner’s attitude towards you. Have they gone from loving to completely distant and closed off? If this is the case, something has changed and it is likely that they may be participating in some unsavory behaviors.

9. Their personality changes.

When we are involved with someone, we tend to pick up the mannerisms and behaviors of that person. So, when a man cheats, he may start to behave like his mistress. Pay attention to his behaviors and habits, they can tell you a lot.