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In relationships, feeling a major disconnect between you and your partner can feel like an immense weight on your shoulders. Of course, this weight is only made heavier when you are uncertain as to whether you are encountering a major issue, or if this is only a short obstacle caused by outside circumstances.

There are many phases in relationships. In the beginning, the spark can shine so brightly that other issues fall by the wayside. However, as the relationship begins to get comfortable, we become more comfortable slipping into our authentic selves. From there, relationships can ebb and flow, and sometimes, a disconnect can be quite normal. If there is, in fact, a disconnect in the relationship, the best course of action is to address it immediately, so that you can work through it.

Here are 9 signs of a relationship disconnect.

1. Fights are unproductive.

There is a major misconception that fighting is a sign of failure in a relationship. A healthy fight can be a sign of a healthy relationship. However, if you are disconnected, fights will feel like they go nowhere fast. For example, you may both have opposite stances, and when you try to explain how you feel, you both get defensive, and the fight snowballs until you both walk away more upset than you were before.

2. You struggle with knowing how to talk to your partner.

When you try to find the words to talk with your partner, you come up short. You try different methods, but nothing you say feels right, and their responses show you that you aren’t getting through to them.

3. You and your partner lead completely separate lives.

It’s normal to have your own life, separate from your partner. But, a disconnect can take place when your separate life becomes your primary life. Why? Because there is no room left to connect with your partner, which can put a major wedge between you.

4. Intimacy is at an all-time low.

Intimacy is either low or non-existent. Even moments like hand-holding, long gazes into each other’s eyes and simple hugs are few and far between. Unfortunately, the thing about this is, the less the two of you engage in intimacy now, the harder it will be moving forward because this too can wedge a gap between you.

5. Conversations feel forced.

When you talk to your partner, the conversation feels forced. You do not know what to say and there is no natural flow between the two of you.

6. You are always on different pages.

When one of you sees things one way, the other view it completely the opposite. And the more you try to understand each other, the more apparent it becomes that the two of you are on opposite sides of the spectrum.

7. You want different things.

During discussions of goals and ideas, you both seem to want and see things differently. Even when you try to find a middle ground- it seems like you are on opposite sides of the spectrum.

8. You are often upset with them.

Oftentimes, you feel contempt for your partner. It is hard to find common ground and everything they do makes you feel anger or frustration.

9. You don’t discuss feelings.

When the two of you do talk, you keep it light. There are no deep talks or even talks that brush the surface and delve into feelings. You don’t ever tell each other how you truly feel.

What to Do

Talk to your partner openly and honestly. For this to work, you both have to listen to one another. So, don’t approach them if you just want to say your side. You have to listen, too. If they are up for it- try to rebuild intimacy. This can take time, but the only way to do it is to spend more time together and make that time quality. If the gap between you has been wedged too far- it might be time to see mediation through a counselor. And if you fear things have gone too far, you may have to choose to move forward.