What no one ever tells you about becoming an adult, is that if you decide to not be a parent or if mother nature decides for you, people will inevitably ask you stupid questions until the day you die. That might sound harsh, but hear me out.
During my 20s, as a newly married individual, I began trying to have babies. Unfortunately, things did not pan out for me, and by the time I reached 30, I had personally given up. After years of not having any, I no longer could see a life in which I was a parent. It just simply wasn’t in the cards for me, and I came to terms with that. However, no matter how secure I am with it, I still get those uncomfortable questions, especially from people who simply cannot imagine a life without kids.
Some of those questions aren’t so bad, but some honestly make me want to ask people who in the hell raised them because come on, you have to know that it’s an uncomfortable and even painful topic to be asking about. But, I digress. Here are the 9 most annoying things people have said to me as a childfree adult.
1. Why don’t you have any kids?
This is such a presumptuous question, because first of all, what makes you think this is any of your business? It irks my nerves because, at one point in my life, this question shattered me. Whenever someone would ask this when I was actively trying, I felt like such a failure. You do not know what is going on in the lives of others, and unless they choose to clue you in, don’t ask this question.
2. You’re going to change your mind one day and it’ll be too late.
Oh, the old ticking time bomb uterus statement. This one is used quite often by those who cannot see meaning in life without children. I’ve heard it so many times, and I have to say that while it’s likely well-intentioned, it’s super annoying.
3. You know they have procedures for that, right?
There again, a lot of people assume they know the secret key that is going to save you once and for all. Yes, I understand there are procedures and treatments and honestly, I don’t want them. Most of us that do want them, go get them, and the vast majority of childless parents that want children are trying their best to have kids. Putting extra pressure on them isn’t helping at all.
4. But who will take care of you when you are old?
First of all, I need to know who has kids, just so they can be taken care of when they are old. That seems like a lot of weight to put on the shoulders of a baby. If I had a baby, it would be because I wanted a baby, not a future caregiver.
5. You aren’t too old, yet.
Yet another that I hear so often. “Do you have any kids?” they ask, “No,” I respond, and then they say, “You aren’t too old, yet.” I’m well aware of my age, and that still isn’t changing my mind, Becky, okay?
6. But, you’d make such a good mom!
Just because someone could be a loving mother does not mean that she wants to be one. I think that is the part that some people don’t get-that just because you’d be good at something, you should do it.
7. It must be nice to have all that free time.
I’ve always thought that it’s interesting that people who have kids think that parenting is the only adult responsibility in the world. So, we childless adults must have all the time in the world. I’d like to enlighten the world that many things fill up the time of child-free adults. Many of us have full-time careers, responsibilities in our homes, with our partners, tons of cleaning to do, fixing meals, etc.
8. It’ll happen for you, one day.
Once again, I understand that the intention is genuine here. However, the thing is, a lot of people who have children assume that if you are child-free, it’s not by choice. I tend to instantly correct people on this assumption, but it does get to be annoying to repeat the same thing over and over again.
9. You aren’t a parent, so you don’t get it.
Just because someone isn’t a parent doesn’t mean they don’t understand the job. I 100% understand kids. I have had kids in my life. You do not have to be a parent to know what the job entails and to understand kids.