We often think of toxic people and manipulative people in terms of other people. However, none of us are perfect or without fault.
We all have bad tendencies and when we get caught up in acting on our own emotions, we can get caught up in our own bias. When we are acting in our interest, there will be times in which we act manipulative without even realizing it. The good news is, if you care enough to want to know, you can rest assured you aren’t a bad person. You are simply a good person that is possibly engaging in unhealthy boundaries. And realizing that is half the fight.
Here are 8 signs you are manipulative and don’t even realize it.
1. You find it difficult to voice your concerns and needs.
Without proper boundaries, it’s easy to lose sight of your ability to voice your desires and needs. When this happens, we can easily slip into a pattern of finding other ways to get what we want without directly saying it. The trouble is, that this tendency is a slippery slope.
2. You often turn things around on others.
When others call you out, you have a hard time admitting fault. Instead, you often redirect the fault back onto the other person. This is likely unintentional, but the effects of this behavior are all the same.
3. You will go to great lengths to get what you want.
It’s okay to be a go-getter, but you have to know when to draw the line. It’s not okay to step all over people or use others to meet your end. That is the very definition of manipulation.
4. You tend to lie.
If it means getting what you want, you are okay with being deceptive. And we aren’t talking simply white lies here, on the contrary, you often find yourself spinning a web of deep lies, and it becomes difficult to keep up with the lies you have told. If that’s the case, it’s time to reassess your behavior.
5. You guilt-trip others.
When we feel like we are owed something, it can be hard to resist the temptation to draw attention to this and in turn, we can end up putting a guilt trip on others. When this becomes a habit, it’s manipulation, pure and simple.
6. You do nice things, but conditionally.
When you do something nice for others, you should do it from a good place, not because you want the person to owe you a favor in return. And while it may seem like it’s only right if you do something for someone, they should do something in return, that is not the point of doing right by someone.
7. You are intensely persuasive.
When it comes to getting what you want, you can be very persuasive. You can almost always get what you want. But be wary of the tendency to push people too hard to get what you want.
8. You withhold affection when you don’t get your way.
When you don’t get what you want, you tend to ‘punish’ others by withholding affection. The thing about this is, is that it’s manipulative.
9. You tend to be passive-aggressive.
Passive aggression is a form of manipulation. It’s better to be straight up about how you feel or to just not say anything at all. Passive aggression can ultimately damage your relationships.