Love can be a wonderful thing, or love can be pure hell. For those who end up in relationships with people that they simply cannot stay with, it can be really hard to let go.
It’s one thing to have someone dump you and then completely cut contact. Yes, it hurts, but at the same time, you know there is nothing you can do. However, when you are forced to break up with someone and make an active choice not to be with someone, it is a different kind of pain. It’s not easy to tell your heart no. But, there are really good reasons to sometimes. Perhaps your partner cheated, or perhaps the relationship was just flat-out toxic. Whatever the reason is, here are 8 ways to let go and move on.
1. Feel the pain, and allow yourself time to grieve.
The way out is through, and while that might just sound like something people say, there is a lot of wisdom in those few words. At the end of the day, the more you try to run from your feelings or trick yourself into ‘forgetting,’ the more you will have to face later on. It’s better to go ahead and face it now and grieve the loss.
2. Do not entertain the idea of ‘what if.’
It might be tempting to sit around and wonder what would have happened if things would have worked out. “What if I just go back?” you might ask. I implore you, do not to go through these mental gymnastics, because it isn’t worth your sanity.
3. Cut contact entirely.
It may seem like a tough call to make, but if a relationship is toxic or has no chance, do not cling to it. Don’t go around this person, hoping for things to magically work one day. They won’t. You have to cut contact if you expect to move on. Yes, there are exceptions to this, such as if you have kids with this person. However, if you don’t have a REAL reason to be around this person, just don’t.
4. Avoid situations that could be sketchy.
Avoid situations that will cause you pain. If you know your ex will be at a party you are going to, don’t go. If you know their best friend will be there, reminding you of your pain, just skip the party. You know what you can handle and what you cannot.
5. Give up on closure.
Go ahead and allow yourself to forget about getting closure. I hate to say it, but you aren’t going to get it. If you really just cannot let go without getting closure, write a goodbye letter and burn it.
6. Create a support system.
Build yourself a support system of friends and family that you trust. Go to them and ask them to remind you of why you left in the first place when you are feeling like backstepping.
7. Be honest with yourself.
You need to be honest with yourself about why this relationship had to end. It may be hard, but you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Sit down and write down why you cannot be with them, and be blunt about it.
8. Allow yourself to try again.
Don’t be afraid to step back out there and get your hands dirty again. When it’s time, you will know. Allow yourself permission to be happy again.