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During our lives, finding love and keeping it is likely one of the most continuous undercurrents we will experience. And perhaps one of the most painful aspects of life is finding love and then realizing it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

In the course of our journey to find love, we also learn to understand what the term love means. And while we may think that we love someone, when the relationship ends, and we move forward and start to face some harsh realizations, we often realize that what we had with them wasn’t love at all.

It can be hard to understand the differences when we are amid passion and getting carried away with our own codependency. But regardless of that, no matter what brought us to that person, there is a lesson to be learned and to carry with you.

Here are 8 signs that show what you thought was love, wasn’t love at all.

1. You didn’t open up to them.

Love is much more than sex, flirting, and fun dates. True love means being open and sharing yourself with another person. If you felt hesitant to do that with this person, it wasn’t true love.

2. It was easier to walk away than you thought.

When the relationship ended, you may have thought it would be hard, but in reality, it was much easier than you expected. Now, you don’t even think about them very much at all. If that seems strange to you, it isn’t. It’s much harder to walk away from true love.

3. You fought all the time.

Some would argue that fighting means you love someone more, and perhaps some fighting does mean that because it means you are fighting to keep it together. On the contrary though- when you cannot see eye to eye with someone on anything at all, this is another story. People who are truly in love have some common ground. Without it- you have two separate people who are fighting for themselves, not the relationship.

4. They caused you more stress than happiness.

Love isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but there has to be some sunshine. If you are with someone, and they cause you more stress than they ever bring you happiness- you are with the wrong one.

5. The communication was never right.

You may have been able to talk to this person, but communicating is another story. Communication means you speak to each other, understand each other, and listen to each other. Communication is actually and actively listening. A relationship without proper communication isn’t built on love.

6. It didn’t feel right.

I’m not sure how to fully explain this- but when you love someone and are meant to be, you know it deep down in your soul. It clicks- almost like the stars have aligned. In relationships that aren’t right and aren’t founded on love, both parties can feel it, no matter how much they fight against it.

7. No problems were ever solved.

In a healthy and loving relationship, there will be problems. But, both partners communicate the issues in the relationship and then work as a team to solve them. In a relationship not founded on love, partners may avoid working on issues and come to a head in which neither wants to budge. In turn, problems build and mount never get solved.

8. The intimacy was off.

You may have had trouble being intimate and affectionate with your partner because the physical and intimate attraction just wasn’t there. Even when you did engage physically, something just didn’t feel right, and it felt forced. If this sounds like your relationship or past relationship, it likely did not love.