Being in a healthy, happy, and fulfilling relationship requires work from both partners. Unfortunately, when one of the two partners has an avoidant attachment, it can lead to the relationship becoming one-sided.
When you are in a one-sided relationship, it can be frustrating, to say the least. Deep down, you may wonder what you are doing wrong. You see, we all have our attachment styles. There are healthy attachment styles and there are avoidant or insecure attachment styles. Those who have healthy attachments can more easily open up and connect with their partner. While those with insecure attachments may be more clingy. Avoidant attachments, however, can lead the person with the unhealthy attachment to always keep their guard up.
Here are some signs that your partner has an avoidant attachment style.
1. They avoid commitment.
Those who are avoidantly attached tend to avoid commitments. Instead, they may keep you close enough to satisfy you, but they will always leave you wanting more. Whenever you bring up the topic of commitment, they will likely push back.
2. They are stuck in the past.
Another sign of someone who is avoidantly attached is that they are never really in the present. No matter how long you’ve been around them, they may seem hung up on their ex. Even if they don’t admit it, when you look at their socials, likely, they are still following their ex, or in contact with them.
3. When things are going well, they sabotage.
You may notice that whenever things are going well in the relationship, your partner finds a reason to fight. They may find fault with you for no good reason, or just simply be agitated for no reason at all. This is an attempt to self-sabotage, which is typical of people with avoidant attachments.
4. They keep their emotions hidden.
Those with an avoidant attachment style will keep their emotions buried. Even when you know they are dealing with something major, they will keep it buried. No matter how hard you pry, they will say they are fine.
5. They downplay the relationship.
Whenever someone brings up your relationship if your partner is quick to downplay it, “Oh, it’s nothing, we are just seeing where things go,” this is a bad sign. Especially if they keep the relationship hidden or refuse to label it.
6. They are hot/cold.
People with an avoidant attachment style will be very hot/cold. One moment, they will seem all in, and the next, they will pull back entirely. Oftentimes, the pulling back will happen just when you thought things were finally getting better.
7. It feels like they are always looking for an out.
Does your partner pick fights and leave regularly? Do they accuse you of cheating, or are they always trying to find fault with you? These are major signs of an avoidant attachment style.
8. They are super independent.
Those with an avoidant attachment style may believe that they don’t need anyone but themselves. They will refuse to ask for help, and they may even get defensive when you try to do anything for them.