Being raised by a narcissist is a different type of hell. While no parent is perfect, the narcissist can take imperfect parenting to the toxic extremes, making life extremely difficult, painful, and challenging for their children.

If you were raised by a narcissist, then it’s likely you have been the victim of abuse, whether emotional or physical. Oftentimes, narcissistic parents are manipulative, guilt-tripping their children, and even pawning them against others for their own intentions. In some cases, narcissistic parents gaslight their children, making them doubt their own sanity and in more extreme cases, the narcissistic parent will work to make their children completely dependent on them.

Other signs of a narcissistic parent include:

  • Controlling behaviors on behalf of your parent.
  • Parent picks favorites.
  • Your parent pits you against other family members and vice versa.
  • Your parent is superficial and pretends to be a parent of the year, despite being extremely toxic.
  • Your parent manipulates you.
  • Your parent’s love is conditional.
  • Your needs were overlooked for the needs of your parent.

If you were raised by a narcissistic parent, it will take time to heal. While every situation is different, there are some steps you can take to undo the damage of your narcissistic parent. Here are 7 steps.

1. Acknowledge their behavior.

In order to heal, you must understand, recognize and acknowledge that the behavior of your parent is narcissistic. It can be difficult to do this because no one wants to accept that their parent was toxic to them. However, this step is crucial to healing.

2. Take responsibility for how you respond to their behavior.

While you cannot change how your parent acts, you can change how you respond. For example, if your parent gaslights you or manipulates you and you freak out and start screaming and throwing things, that response is not going to help you or them. Take a step back and find a way to respond that aligns with your values. Do not let them get a rise out of you or destroy your peace.

3. Establish clear boundaries.

Set boundaries. Explain to your parent that you will no longer tolerate drama, chaos, crazy-making, and manipulation. If they continue to engage in these behaviors, stand by consequences such as cutting them out of your life.

4. Re-build tarnished relationships.

Having a narcissistic parent can be damaging to other relationships. Now, that you’ve accepted that they are a narcissist, it is time to do damage control. Revisit relationships that have been tarnished by the narcissist and try to fix them if you can.

5. Seek out healthy relationships.

While we cannot choose our parents and family, we can choose the people we take on in our adult lives. Choose healthy relationships with people who are grounded and good to you and who have values similar to yours. Through these relationships, you can create your own network or family.

6. Seek counseling.

A lot of the damage done by a narcissistic parent will require some form of counsel. Of course, you should determine what is best for you, but therapy can be so beneficial for allowing you to vent what has happened, and move forward from the wreckage.

7. Realize that you are not to blame.

Remember, you are not at fault for what has happened. You did not deserve the abuse and manipulation that has taken place. You deserve much more than that.

 

 

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