When we imagine breaking up, we often think of scenarios in which we simply just aren’t in love with our partner. However, more often than not, a breakup happens when both parties love each other deeply- it just isn’t working. And doing this is not an easy task.

A lack of love is not the only reason for a breakup. There are many reasons. The person you are with may be abusive, they may not have the same goals and values as you, or they simply just aren’t the one. Deep down, you may feel this nagging feeling telling you it’s time to go. And the more you love them, the harder it is to listen to this nagging feeling. But, when you know, you know. And the longer you prolong the inevitable, the more it will hurt later on.

It may sound easier said than done, to break up with someone you love madly. But some helpful tips can help you to make it through to the other side.

1. Break up with them in person.

While it may be tempting to do it over the phone, through text, or whatever the case may be, to avoid the emotional situation, if you do, you are setting yourself up for failure. Not to mention, it’s cold-hearted to not give someone the benefit of telling them face to face. The only exception to this is if it’s an abusive situation.

2. Prepare for the breakup.

It’s likely that when you break up, they are going to want to know why. They are going to get emotional, and they are going to be upset. Plan for that. Don’t cave because they get upset, or if you do. Remember your reason for breaking up.

3. Make a no-contact rule, if necessary.

When you break up with them, make it clear that you are done. You don’t have to be cruel about it- but it is best to make a no contact rule unless you have kids together. Why? If you don’t, you are likely to try to go back or get tempted to try to be friends. Then, you will end up back together and back at square one. If you are serious about breaking up, you have to make it easy on you and them. It’s unfair to play games, and it isn’t helping anyone to do so.

4. Get all of your belongings back.

When you break up, go ahead and get all of your belongings back, so there is no reason or excuse to go back and get them later on. Do it as soon as the breakup happens, otherwise, you may later use them as an excuse to see them.

5. Tie up the “loose ends.”

If you have any affairs together (business, financial, whatever) figure out how to divide them and split them up, and take care of it ASAP. If you have loose ends, you are going to end up using them to go back.

6. Write a letter to yourself, or make a video about why you are leaving.

To remind yourself of why you are leaving, sit down and write out an in-depth letter to yourself to read when you are tempted to go back. Or make a video and save it on your phone. Whatever you do- focus on WHY. You are going to cry. It’s going to be hard. But it only gets harder if you hang on longer.

7. Find an accountable person, and ask them to hold you accountable.

Ask a friend, or close family member to hold you accountable for your decision. Explain the situation, and explain why you want to leave. Ask them to help keep you accountable when you seem like you are slipping.

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