Quiet quitting is often a phrase associated with your job, and is what happens when you quit giving it your all and stop putting forth effort, due to apathy directed at the job. However, this phenomenon also happens in relationships.
“Quiet quitting in a relationship [means you stop] exerting the energy, emotion, or investment in the future that you previously put into the relationship,” says Lynn Saladino, PsyD, and New York therapist. “You are technically still committed but have stopped trying.”
Of course, at your job, ‘quiet quitting’ can make sense, but in relationships, it only tends to make things messier and leaves you even more unfulfilled. We’ve all been in a situation where we were tempted to call it quits, but quiet quitting leaves you in a relationship purgatory of sorts. In most cases, people stay because they feel like they have a real reason to stay (such as their kids, or because they feel tied to this person in some way.)
So, what are the signs?
1. You stop reminiscing about the past.
Once upon a time, you cherished the memories you shared with your partner. Now, every memory reminds you of how off things are now. Reminiscing about the past seems pointless, because it honestly feels like the happy days are totally behind you.
2. You avoid conflicts that could easily be resolved.
While you know deep down that the issues you have with your partner (at least some of them) could be resolved with a good talk, you avoid it at all costs. You just don’t see the point in engaging in conflict with this person, because what is the point?
3. You don’t want to make future commitments with this person.
When your partner brings up a future event or possible plan, you push it off. You may not even realize this is because you feel defeating in this relationship, but when we feel like things aren’t working, it makes it hard to see or care about a future with them.
4. You discuss your relationship challenges with everyone but your partner.
You often find yourself venting to anyone that will listen, aside from your partner. When it comes time to hash things out, you simply cannot bring yourself to talk to your partner. It simply seems like a lost cause.
5. You do not see things ever-changing for the better.
When someone tells you “it will get better,” you cannot believe them. How could it ever get better? It seems like there is no future in this connection.
6. You put off responding to your partner.
When your partner is away from you, and they send you a text, you find yourself taking longer and longer to respond to them. You simply cannot bring yourself to do it, because when you are alone and without them, things feel more peaceful.
7. You stop sharing anything with your partner.
Instead of coming straight home with good news, you keep it to yourself. You do not care to come home and share things that are bothering you or things that are going well in your life. You do not feel a connection with your partner anymore.