It can be extremely daunting to find yourself in a bad situation with the wrong person time and time again. You may begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you or if you attract the wrong people into your life.
While there likely isn’t anything necessarily wrong with you, it is highly likely that after so many difficult situations, you are beginning to attract the wrong people. Oftentimes, we attract the wrong people for several underlying reasons that we completely overlook. While this might sound crazy, I assure you that there is a lot to the idea that we oftentimes accept and attract the wrong people without even realizing it.
Here are 6 reasons why you are attracting the wrong people.
1. You don’t believe that you deserve more.
To attract a better person, you have to believe that you deserve better. For example, if you don’t love yourself or view yourself as being worthy of finding a guy that fits what you envision for yourself, then you are never going to try to go for that guy. Instead, you will go for the guy that treats you like crap, because you feel like that is as good as it’s going to get. If this is you, it might be time to spend some time getting to know and love yourself, as cliché as it sounds.
“Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It” by Kamal Ravikant is a powerful book that could help you start that journey toward self-love and attracting the love you deserve.
2. You are attracted to emotionally unavailable types.
If the type of guy or gal that you tend to go for is someone that is also not emotionally available, you are going to end up in situation after situation, wondering why they don’t want to commit. In reality, if you go for the guy or gal who loves to lead an exciting and playful life, never really committing to anything, then you are always going to end up with someone afraid of commitment.
“Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl” by Natalie Lue explains the pitfalls of falling for emotionally unavailable people and how to break the cycle.
3. You believe that there is a ‘perfect’ person out there for everyone.
Walt Disney did a great job of making wonderful movies that we can all cherish, but he also did a great job at making us believe some perfect prince or princess is charming out there that will come along and make our lives everything we ever wished for them to be. In reality – NO ONE is ever going to be perfect. You will always find a fault in another because they are human, and humans have faults. You will have to accept them for who they are, even the parts you don’t like.
4. You still haven’t done the right self-work.
This is going to make some people mad, but the thing is, when you have not worked to make yourself better, you are going to keep attracting people that haven’t done their self-work either. For example, if you still haven’t faced your demons, you will likely end up dating your demons. It might seem like a lot of time/work, but it is worth it to take a pause on dating and spend some time understanding yourself and working on the parts that continue to hold you back.
“The Journey from Abandonment to Healing” by Susan Anderson offers a guide through personal work and healing, which can be instrumental in attracting healthier relationships.
5. You don’t know who you want.
Clarity is everything. How are you going to attract the ‘right’ person, if you don’t know what that means for you? For example, deep down, if you want a family man, but you continue to date the ‘party guy’ hoping that one day he turns into a family man, it’s likely you are going to end up disappointed time and time again. I’m not saying people don’t change- but what I am saying is that instead of trying to push someone to change, find someone that already aligns with your values and goals in life.
6. You change yourself to make others happy.
Do you lie on your Tinder profile or to your potential new partners on a first date? This is a recipe for disaster. When you pretend to be someone else, to fit into what they are trying to partner up with – you are ultimately attracting the wrong person by default, because you are sending mixed messages. It might be tempting to lie, because you like the person, but when you are honest, you never have to guess whether you are right for them, because you have already put it out there about who you are and what you want.
“The Authenticity Project: A Novel” by Clare Pooley explores the concept of authenticity and the beautiful, complicated mess of human relationships, which might inspire you to stay true to yourself.