While the narcissist is someone we know to be wary of, they are a lot better at disguising themselves than we tend to expect. The masks they wear are thick, and shattering them takes time.
One of the best ways to identify a narcissist is to look at the way they react to different situations. Do they lash out when they don’t get their way? Are they always turning things around and making you out to be the bad guy?
If you answered yes to both of those questions, then you should probably look into whether you are face-to-face with a real narcissist. The more narcissistic a person is the more traits they will hold regarding exactly that. Most narcissists are able to hold things together at first but wear down over time. They become quite delusional and the more time you spend with them the more clear that in itself will be.
To better understand and protect yourself from narcissistic manipulation, ‘In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People‘ by George K. Simon Jr., Ph.D., is a valuable resource. This book provides insights into the tactics used by manipulative individuals, including narcissists, and offers strategies for dealing with them effectively.
In this article, we are going to focus on the victimhood of the narcissist. No matter what the situation is the narcissist will usually do his or her best to make you out to be the one in the wrong. They will go out of their way to play the victim and try hard to make you feel bad for what’s going on. You could do no harm and still end up apologizing for something you had literally zero control over.
For those looking to deepen their understanding of narcissistic tactics like gaslighting and love bombing, ‘The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life‘ by Dr. Robin Stern offers a comprehensive guide. This book delves into the dynamics of gaslighting and provides practical advice for recognizing and breaking free from manipulative relationships.
Psych Central wrote as follows on this:
Another way that the narcissist’s ego gets special attention is through the role of being a victim. Welcome to the victimized extreme narcissist. Most persons recognize ego as arrogance. At the same time, they fail to see the subtle deception of ego when it takes the role of a being a victim.
As kind and compassion-driven human beings, we easily are fooled by this form of extreme ego. We are constantly hearing the voices of the needy in the media through a variety of forms. The disenfranchised, the poor, the homeless, the hurting, the refugees, the abused, and the list goes on. What we often do not see is that we are many times shamed by these voices for not doing enough for them.
All along it is easy to be manipulated as we respond from our hearts. The deception of the ego is that the narcissist can hide behind misfortune and victimization in order to shame you into feeling and believing that they suffer more than you do. They will say that you don’t care enough for them. They will make you feel that you have not done enough to help them.
The ego wants attention, control, gain, and power over others by positioning itself as a “poor and helpless” victim. It does this; all the while it soaks up the attention and control over others. In the eyes of an extreme narcissist, their situation is always right and totally justified.
Instead of taking responsibility for self and consequences, the extreme narcissist tries to make others feel responsible for their plight. Because extreme narcissists are incredibly adept at the game of manipulation, they will always find a way to turn the tables on you. They will try to make you responsible and feel guilty for not helping them or taking their side and cause.
To empower yourself against emotional manipulation by narcissists, ‘Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed‘ by Wendy T. Behary, LCSW, is an essential read. It equips readers with tools to handle interactions with narcissists and protect their own emotional well-being.
What Games Do People With NPD Play?
Here are some common manipulation games someone with NPD might engage in:
- love bombing
- playing the victim
The more someone does this the more covert they are trying to be in their narcissistic ways. Don’t let them gain control over your emotions because as soon as you do they will take advantage of you. Narcissists play with our emotions because they know that through doing that they can get what they want. The worse we feel the more willing we will be to do the things they want us to do for them.