Even the slightest thing can set off the biggest fight of your relationship when you have been together for a long time. And while that may seem a bit odd, these fights can be difficult to recover from, thus leaving us feeling distant from one another, and even wondering where we stand in the relationship.

Of course, eventually, both of you want to say you are sorry; however, the way in which you show this can be the hard part to figure out. But, according to Kyle Benson, a relationship expert, it’s much easier than you think.

Not only that, but Benson also says the way in which we recover from a fight matters more than the fight itself.

Furthermore, he says that these are the best strategies to overcome the hump, and make it through the fight for the better. For him and his girlfriend Heather, they have five recommended steps

Show How You Feel

Benson explains to remember and discuss how you felt during the spat. He says that through understanding and listening to each other’s feelings and not getting lost in petty details makes all the difference.

Share your interpretations of the fight and show your partner their feelings are valid.

You need to approach it with good intentions, according to Benson. “One of the things about conflict communication with couples is often the big problem is partners aren’t really listening to each other, and one person is speaking and the other is waiting until their turn to speak, and so you have two monologues going on instead of dialogue,” says Benson.

Explain your triggers.

While we may tend to hold back with our partners on what they do that triggers our emotional reactions, Benson explains that this is a bad idea. Instead, you need to explain to them how their actions caused you to react emotionally.

Own your role in the fight.

Sometimes, we hate to admit we are wrong, but in relationships, it makes all the difference in the world. Benson says that during a fight about his girlfriend’s cat, she came back and later apologized, and he then apologized as well. As a result- the fight was able to be resolved.

Plan to Prevent the same fight from happening again.

Discuss why the issue caused the fight to escalate, and then together, find a way to stop the fight from happening again in the future. If you can make it a learning experience, you then create growth in the relationship.

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