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Relationships are hard work, they take a lot of time, patience and love; however, for a lot of people relationships are too much work and people begin to unknowingly self-sabotage.

I wish I could say that there was some magic formula that would work for any relationship but it just isn’t so. All relationships work in different ways and all relationships have different dynamics. They are not easy and anyone who says they are is either lying or completely delusional.

However, when a relationship starts to break down the signs can be easy to spot. But the real question is, what are you doing wrong? These are the 5 quickest ways to kill any relationship.

No Communication

Without communication, there can be no relationship. Communication is the key to a happy relationship if one partner puts up an emotional wall and refuses to communicate the other partner is bound to be unhappy. How can you know how to make someone happy, if you are not talking about it? How do you know what makes someone unhappy, if you are not talking about it? Moral of the story…. Talk about it! For couples struggling with this, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts” by Gary Chapman offers invaluable insights. By understanding each other’s love languages, partners can enhance their communication, ensuring that love is both expressed and received in ways that resonate deeply.


If you are constantly questioning another person, especially their love for you, there is bound to be problems. Taking what another person says and twisting it into something it is not. Getting frustrated with yourself and verbally putting yourself down in front of your partner. Never being able to let things go. Obsessing over the “perfect” relationship.

A person will not be with you if they do not want to be with you. If you are constantly looking for a compliment or putting your relationship down there is bound to be problems.

Lack of trust

Just like communication, trust is an important part of any relationship. If you cannot trust your partner or they do not trust you there are major problems in your relationship. Jealousy. Snooping. Questioning the relationships you both have with other people, are all ways to kill a relationship FAST. The Jealousy Cure: Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness, and Save Your Relationship” by Robert L. Leahy offers practical advice for overcoming jealousy and rebuilding trust, which is essential for a healthy, lasting relationship.

Blame and shame

Abusive behavior aside, blaming and shaming is one of the fastest ways to kill a connection. Both of these behaviors indicate that you view your partner as being beneath you or deserving of scorn. You cannot always blame the other person, sometimes you have to take some of the blame onto yourself in order to have a healthy, functioning relationship.

The need to control

If you are constantly trying to control or change your partner, you are in for a dead relationship. The desire to control your S/O is deeply rooted in fear and insecurity. When you try and control or change your partner you are telling them that they are not good enough and you are making them feel trapped and/or abused. Until you learn to handle your own insecurities your partner is going to suffer.  Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself” by Melody Beattie is a crucial resource for those struggling with control issues, guiding readers towards healthier relationship dynamics by focusing on self-care and personal growth.

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Enjoy 🙂